I Can’t Be the Only One Who Does This

From my all-time favorite comic couple:

Yep, this is how I tell a joke.   This is also why I don’t get asked to many parties.  Well, this and the fact that I tend to attack the buffet table like a squirrel in the fall.

I Don’t Think This is What Tchaikovsky Had in Mind

 

I could be wrong, though.

Church Wars

This is pure awesomeness.

She’s Laughing at Me

Audrey II is getting closer every day, she’s almost close enough to touch from where I sit now…and when her little leaves bob up and down I swear I hear laughter.

I’m watching you, missy.

And a Little Child Shall Lead Them

I’m a conservative Christian – shocking, I know.

Sometimes, though, when I’m bein’ all growed up over here I forget the simplest of truths about my faith.

Fortunately, Logan is here to remind me.

 

 

Well We Haven’t Done This in a While

Frankly, all the autocorrects were beginning to look the same…boring.

Until this…………….

And I laughed till I cried.

Then I formed a band.

 

Doc, Doc, Wha?

The other night I went to a pre-K graduation at a church-sponsored pre-school.

 

I’m looking forward to the day when there’s a cap and gown ceremony for kids who go from bottle to sippy cup, because we just don’t praise these little germ factories enough.  But, that’s another rant for another day.

 

At the graduation, each little white gown and cap festooned 4 or 5-yr. old stands on stage, announces their name and says what they want to be when they grow up.

 

There were the usual aspirations – doctor, fireman, veterinarian, etc.

 

And the usual “cute” ones – fairy, princess, fairy princess, and pop star.

 

And then there was ‘Travis’ who told us all that when he grows up he wants to be……………………a dog.  Personally, I think Travis is brilliant…and right on.

 

Things That Make Me Giggle

Just one thing that makes me giggle uncontrollably is autocorrect.

From my local IT professional last week, I received this text on the day I was expecting him to come to the office to work on some computers.

“won’t be there today…i’m six”

To which I (logically) replied.

“okay, hope you get older soon”

 

And then, over the weekend, from baby girl I get this lovely autocorrect:

“we want the walk mount”

“*wall”

“the tv walk mount”

“UGH! *wall”

“Stupid autocorrect”

“wins everything”

“OMG”

“*everytime”

By the end of this I could not read the screen through the tears.

And, I think I peed my pants a little.

It. Was. Aardvark. Awkward. *dammit* Awesome.

It Was a Great Camping Trip, Except For the Projectile Vomiting

A conversation between me and Baby Girl (BG)

ME: So, how was your camping trip with the family?

BG: Awesome! It was SO much fun!

ME: Cool.

BG: Except for the first night, when MJ projectile vomited everything everywhere and AJ wouldn’t go to sleep and cried all night. But other than that it was great!

(MJ is 5, AJ is 1)

ME: Eww…and on a camping trip, too! So, what did you do with all the stuff she puked on?

BG: Put it in a trash bag and then in the car.

ME: Bet it smelled *great* by the time you got home.

BG: I don’t know, it went right in the trash.  Do you know how disgusting vomit smells? Yeah, try that in an enclosed space like a small tent.  I thought I was going to puke, too.

ME: What caused it?

BG: I dunno.  Coulda been the McNuggets, or maybe the s’mores.   You know how sensitive her tummy is.

ME: Yeah. So what all did you do?

BG:  There were a lot of hiking trails and we found a cave.  It was really beautiful.

ME: Did you get that baby backpack to use?

BG: No, it was like $200.  I wish we had though, because we took the jogging stroller and the trail was full of rocks so hubby had to carry the stroller most of the way and I had to carry AJ.   And she kept crying because she wanted to get down and eat the rocks, dirt, pretty much everything.

ME:  And this was the first night/day?

BG: Yep.  The second night we were FREEEEZING.  It was like 40 degrees, but I swear it felt like 4.  And AJ wouldn’t sleep, and MJ was cold and I was wearing everything I brought and I was still shivering.  So, I didn’t get any sleep.

ME: Sheesh.

BG: But, other than that it was great and on the way home MJ said it was so much fun and we should do it again.

ME: And?

BG: Well, mom, it’s been three years since the last camping trip and now I remember why.  I’m sure, once the trauma fades from memory, we’ll do it again.

ME:  Ha! Ha!

BG: Oh, and did you see the picture I posted on Facebook of the GIGANTIC tarantula in the bathroom?

ME: Uh..no…

Texas Weather 101

I see no reason to spend 4 years in college to predict weather in Texas.  This explains it perfectly.