Number 2 on the list of “top searches” that bring you kids to my site, utterly crushing your hopes of ever finding the elusive thing you seek, is this:
“we have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities”
Guess what number one is.
Yep, it’s “juke williams”.
What a guy.
Kids, I hate to have to be the one to break this to you…but…
There is no fecking ‘Juke Williams’, no bazillion dollars/dubloons/kittens just waiting for you to come and claim them. Well, there may be a bazillion kitties, but I fail to see how that would make you rich. That would make your house smell like a giant litterbox, and the kibble bill would be astronomical.
There is no free iPad/cell phone/rhinestone tiara/lifetime pizza giveaway, either.
Deal with it.
awesomesauciness, Crusher of Dreams and;
Dasher of Hopes
Here’s a few updates on recent
shit important stuff I’ve posted.
Apparently, good-guy Sam isn’t such a good guy after all. He NEVER responded to my e-mail. This means no money for Rock and I to take a trip. When I told Rock he just sat there, stoney-faced, not saying a word. In fact, he hasn’t moved since. I’m a little worried about him. Thank you, Sam. Thank you sooooooooo much.
And, while we are at it, my genu-wine Fuh-bee guy, Juke, hasn’t returned any of my e-mails. Not a one…at least I don’t think he has. I was a guest of the county for a brief time and didn’t have any Internet access, so if he sent them then…..
The poor dude with two first names, Eric….sigh….I probably came on too strong and scared him off. He was a skittish colt, already, and I’ll bet all my talk of Empire State Building and Valentine’s Day just sent him over the edge. Note to self: next time, maybe start with a coffee.
On a happier note, my baby girl is out of the boot for short periods of time now. She’s trying – probably too hard – to rehab her foot/ankle on the fast track. Patience is not one of this girl’s virtues. The important thing is it’s getting better on its own. Too bad I can’t get back the years she shaved off my life when I heard her screaming and crying over the phone. Yeah, there’s no ‘fast track’ rehab for that.
So, there you have it…direct from the official Department of Redundancy’s Department - Update Division.
Hi Sauceketeers! Why yes, I did just make up a nickname for you, do you like it?
It’s time for the weekly recap…again…didn’t we just do this last week?
Monday, Monday…can’t trust that day…or moi…since I don’t seem to be able to post on Mondays too often anymore.
It was par-tay time on Tuesday! Everybody dance!
Thursday…because, you know…ninjas.
For your Friday, I revealed an exquisite torture method. Reckon I should contact the Marines at Gitmo?
Antibiotics and cough meds in hand, I remain….
….on the mend…
Have a great weekend and see you on
Monday Tuesday, because you know…ninjas.
Hi kids! If it’s Saturday, it must be time for the weekly recap!
*bells, whistles, confetti*
Thumbs through the pages…lemme see…
Oh yes, here it is…Monday, when I was sure that a
night of drunken debauchery mean and evil troll had left me tattooed. Really, it was the only explanation.
Which brought us to Tuesday and I found a whole new set of terrifying scenarios to torture my psyche with.
So, for Wednesday I decided to stop and watch the amazing Northern Lights with you.
Thursday was spam, spam, spamalot, day.
And on Friday, I asked if anyone had seen Dad’s goat. Which may sound like a lead-in to a really bad joke. I wish.
So, I may be back on Monday, but judging by the increasing certainty that I am catching the oh-my-gawd-cold-from-hell that hubby’s had all week, I’m not so sure.
Have a great weekend and keep it ‘tween the ditches out there!
It’s round-up time!
This week’s round-up is a bit thin…I’ve been busy, okay?
Monday – nuttin’…and I feel bad, so here look at some cute kitties:
I was so thankful, in fact, that I began quoting Shakenspeare on yo’ ass.
It was epic and left me with nothin’ till Friday, when I realized I’m just really boring.
And now I feel like I owe you something exciting, because..you know..ninja…
Hey there kids! Hope you are having an awesomesauce kind of weekend!
So, for those of you who only come over once a week, here’s the shtuff you missed…
Monday had me thinking about a muse, not “amuse”…just a muse. So, I posted about an amazing site that publishes long lost letters.
Tuesday brought a melancholy reminder of someone lost.
By Wednesday I was my goofy self again – for the most part – and laughed myself silly over the Cirque de Squirrelle.
Thursday was a rage post day, and oddly enough the day my site saw the most traffic. Could it be others feel as I do?
I believe I created a wormhole on Friday when I recapped a recap about a recap. Careful.
See you on Monday!
Please, hold your applause until the end…
Monday..yeah, well nothing happened on Monday. Really, I’m not kidding.
Fine, I’ll wait while you go look.
:whistles a happy tune:
See, told you.
Now, on Tuesday I contemplated a salvage yard for human parts. Aaaaaaand…that sounds way more creepy than it actually is.
Wednesday was confession and blame the cat day. I’m thinking of making every Wednesday confession and blame the cat day.
Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday. Yeah, I didn’t think it was that funny either.
So, by Friday I was ready to call the whole thing off.
Have an awesomesauce kind of weekend, and please do something amazingly silly at least once.
There will be a test on Monday…or Tuesday.
If I remember.
Just take a look at all the
crap awesomesauce you missed this week!
On Monday, there was no post. It was a holiday, but that’s not why there was no post. Actually, I got lazy…or maybe I was totally honoring the memory of Dr. King (a personal hero – truly, no bullshit here) by occupying the couch all day. One of those things.
Tuesday, though, came along and I practiced the art of the tease.
And, on Wednesday I made like the mailman and delivered.
On Thursday I proved, yet again, that my best protesting days ended with the Vietnam War.
Friday was experiment/jack with you people day. Go me.
Now go out and enjoy this 75 degree, sunshine-y weather!
It’s 20 and snowing where you are?
To my baby sister!
And, to everyone else whose birthday is today.
For the rest of you, the weekly recap.
On Monday we un-Christmased the house. I haz a sad for a while. It was also my Alzheimer-lost father’s 77th birthday, but he didn’t even know it. Sigh….
Tuesday I revealed my New Year’s Resolutions, and I’m happy to report that I’m doing pretty well on at least one of them…although I am still disappointed about the shoes….
Thursday - magical, marvelous ruby slippers.
Friday and the attack of the grocery cart; a glimpse into my *exciting* life.