Daily Archives: July 22, 2011
….or “How I Almost Shot My Cat”
Back in the early ’90s we lived in a rental house that was on a very popular route for kids
skipping going to school.
As a result, there had been a recent break-in at my house.
My neighbor scared the kid off, or else he just felt so sorry for us he decided not to mess with anything.
Anyway, it left the family a bit twitchy.
And, we are Texans.
Twitchy, armed Texans.
A few days after the break-in I was home alone when I heard a commotion coming from the garage.
With the recent crime still fresh in my memory I stealthily snuck past the garage door and into my bedroom where I knew the firearms were kept.
I heard the noises, again, as I looked around the room. I was sure the burglar was now a whole gang of burglars and not only were they not concerned with being quiet, they were boldly marching towards the door that led to the house and I was moments away from confronting a gang of noisy, clumsy burglars.
It’s funny how the mind will go completely blank when gripped with rising fear.
I couldn’t remember where the guns were.
Then, I heard a loud THUMP! on the door that led to the garage.
That did it, my fear was pushed aside and I found the gun.
I grabbed it, released the safety and quietly tiptoed back to the garage door.
The noisy burglars were now playing hockey in the garage.
With a bag of rocks, or so it sounded to me.
Grasping the doorknob I flung the door open and yelled, “FREEZE!!!”, as I pointed the gun at…..my cat.
Our big Siamese, Smokey, had been playing with some paper he found in the garage.
Smokey stared at me, and I swear I heard him sigh….stoopid hoomin.
Amazing how much a twenty-five pound cat, playing with paper in an empty garage, can sound like a gang of brazen, clumsy burglars isn’t it?
I went to the grocery store.
Sounds boring, right?
Well, you aren’t me.
I stopped, first, in the produce section. As I was looking over the variety of fruits and vegetables a big sign caught my eye.
“Bags of Peaches, $1.99”
The sign was affixed to a bin that held bags of….nectarines.
Continuing on, I see another sign.
“Mangoes, $.99 each”
It’s affixed to a box. In the box? Red onions.
Sigh…..I fear for the produce sections of the world.