I Am A Dangerous Woman

….or “How I Almost Shot My Cat”

Back in the early ’90s we lived in a rental house that was on a very popular route for kids skipping going to school.

As a result, there had been a recent break-in at my house. 

My neighbor scared the kid off, or else he just felt so sorry for us he decided not to mess with anything.

Who knows?

Anyway, it left the family a bit twitchy.

And, we are Texans.

Armed Texans.

Twitchy, armed Texans.

A few days after the break-in I was home alone  when I heard a commotion coming from the garage.

With the recent crime still fresh in my memory I stealthily snuck past the garage door and into my bedroom where I knew the firearms were kept.

I heard the noises, again, as I looked around the room.  I was sure the burglar was now a whole gang of burglars and not only were they not concerned with being quiet, they were boldly marching towards the door that led to the house and I was moments away from confronting a gang of noisy, clumsy burglars.

It’s funny how the mind will go completely blank when gripped with rising fear.

I couldn’t remember where the guns were.

Then, I heard a loud THUMP! on the door that led to the garage.

That did it, my fear was pushed aside and I found the gun.

I grabbed it, released the safety and quietly tiptoed back to the garage door. 

The noisy burglars were now playing hockey in the garage.

With a bag of rocks, or so it sounded to me.

Grasping the doorknob I flung the door open and yelled, “FREEZE!!!”, as I pointed the gun at…..my cat.

Our big Siamese, Smokey, had been playing with some paper he found in the garage.

Smokey stared at me, and I swear I heard him sigh….stoopid hoomin.

Amazing how much a twenty-five pound cat, playing  with paper in an empty garage, can sound like a gang of brazen, clumsy burglars isn’t it?

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Posted on July 22, 2011, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Random Crap, Stupid Human Tricks and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I used to scare myself with the motes of dust that were floating in the air. You know, the ones you can see out of the corner of your eye? In a deathly quiet house, and a freaky movement in the air… I was convinced it was ghosts. Now…

    I’m kinda happy my eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I’m much harder to spook now. 8)

  2. My bathrobe is actually a yukata from Japan.. a light pink. flowery yukata. More than once I’ve woken up in the middle of the night and nearly jumped out of bed because I can see the white silhouette of my robe hanging on the back of the door and think someone is standing there. Of course, this probably wouldn’t happen as much if I didn’t have terrible vision without my glasses on.

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