Daily Archives: August 1, 2011

One? Two? Better or Worse?

So, I went to the optomedrip, optemotris, optomuhtis, umm…eye doctor last Friday.

It was my regular exam, no biggie – except my eyeballs gots better!!

Because, you know…ninjas.

No, there’s some technical explanation for it that comes down to this:

Eye Doc: Yeah, as you get older if you have astigmatism it can correct to farsightedness, which is what you have.

Me: Awesome.

So, as we were chatting about whether or not I’d need tri-focals or bi-focals since I still need glasses for the computer and reading, I asked the doctor about something that had occurred to me when she was examining my eyes.

You know the infamous eye exams.

The strange-looking eye probe/reader thingy is placed in front of you in a darkened room and then an eye chart is illuminated on the far wall. 

The object is to try and trick you into saying you can’t see anything so your eye doctor can prescribe glasses.  Except if you are like me, and don’t play by the rules, you fool them….and still need glasses in the end.

Doc: Read the first line that’s clear.

Me: (looking at the largest line) Uh…heh..heh.

Doc: (flipping something on the machine so a larger chart appears) Now?

Me: Ah…okay, E  –  V  –  O  –  P (it was the bottom line, indicating 20×25 vision)

Doc: (begins flipping through lenses) One? (flip) Or Two?

Me: Two

Doc: (flip) Two? (flip) Or Three?

Me: Three

And so it goes until at the end, the doctor shows you how things will look with your new glasses and everyone proclaims “Hallelujah!”*

*I may have made up the ‘hallelujah’ part.

Anyway, as we were chatting I told her that during my exam I  began to wonder how many times a day she does the “One, two, three…” blah, blah.

She rolled her eyes in response.  “You don’t want to know.”

“So, why don’t you do something different? You know, say…One, Two, Badger, Squirrel. See if anyone is paying attention?”

She laughed, loudly, before saying in a whisper, “You know what’s really bad?  I can’t go higher than ‘four’ because it confuses most people.”

That’s sad.

Not unexpected, mind you, just sad.  I told her so and we both had a laugh.

So, after much searching of the inventory I chose these glasses only in brown and I added the anti-glare feature.  

How do you like the new me?

Too much? Not enough? Be honest, now.