Daily Archives: August 26, 2011

Dumb and Dumbererest

On second thought, just…I don’t know…

I have about a gozillion stories I could tell you that center around my oldest daughter.

Every one of them is true, and every one of them is like it was written for a movie or sitcom.

So.Funny.

The latest?

Daughter is a hairdresser, and all that that implies, and the latest craze is feathers.

Yes, feathers clipped into hair as an accent piece.

This is all the rage.

Apparently.

So, this rage has caused two things.

1. Price gouging by suppliers and;

2. A chance to make a buck selling feathers online opportunity seized by daughter.

I don’t know where she got all these feathers, but I think most of them came from fly-tying suppliers – who I might add are royally pissed at all the frivolous feather usage depleting their stock – and since she got them so cheap and can sell them for so much, well…she’s stoked about the idea when she calls me from the car yesterday.

“Mom? You have an eBay account, right?”

“Yes, I do. Why?”

“I want to sell feathers.  You know the kind you clip on your hair? I can sell them for like a 400% mark-up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s so amazing what people are paying for them on eBay.”

(At this point she launches into a mathematical treatise that is I am sure Nobel Prize-worthy, but which loses me in the second sentence – not because I am stupid, but because I am working and half-listening to her speed-of-light commentary at the same time)

“See what I mean?”

“Yeah.  So, what are your plans?”

“I’m not sure yet.  I haven’t got the whole page layout and photo details worked out, but you can help with that, right?”

“Yes, I know how to do that.”

(At this point I hear her son in the background, chattering away – he’s three, they chatter…a lot)

“Wait a minute, Mom, I need to take some aspirin.”

I hear the phone shuffle, I hear some muffled sounds and then…

“Oh MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!! MOM, I….I….OH MY GOD, I…DON’T…EVEN….OH MY!!”

This is followed by the sounds of gagging.

Yes gagging.

Mama-bear haz a alarm.

“WHAT is going on?”

“Mom…I don’t, oh my God (son’s name)…this is…oh Mom..”

“WHAT??”

“Son had to pee, really bad this morning and we were in the car so I gave him an empty Vitamin Water bottle to use.  And just now…to take the aspirin….”

“Oh my God! You didn’t!”

“I did…only I didn’t swallow it.  I spit back into the bottle, but the taste….”

More gagging sounds, and at this point I totally lose it and am laughing so hard I believe I may bust a rib.

“Did I just poison myself?”

“No. Actually urine is pretty harmless.”

“Yeah, that’s comforting.”

My oldest girl.   She have a crazy goin’ on.