This Deep Well

There’s a deep well inside me and from it springs my skewed outlook on pretty much everything.

It’s not a bottomless well, and sometimes the rope to the bucket breaks and I can’t bring up anything at all.

Other times, there’s so much in the bucket I have to force myself to relax, slow down and organize things into something that may entertain a few of you.

By far, the greatest contributor to my well is my life experiences. 

Good, bad and indifferent.

I have to say, though, that the bad experiences seem to provide me with the best source material.  Humor is a great buffering agent.

To that end, I present Daddy.

He has Alzheimer’s.

It’s not pretty.

But, sometimes it’s damned funny.  Especially since he has really lost the ability to communicate verbally.  Oh sure, his sentence may start out with “Today, we had…” but  most of the time it ends with “….verbloggle fish toasted narfles” leaving me to wonder if he had fish, toast, narfles or verbloggle for lunch.

Like I said, it’s funny sometimes.

Other times, not so much.

He’s in a secured unit in a nursing home, since he’s given to walkabouts that may, or may not, include clothing, shoes, money or any idea who he is or where he is going.

I go vist him every chance I get, and he seems to understand we are connected somehow.

He’s just not sure how.

I visited him the other day, and most of what he said made no sense whatsoever.

Except when I got ready to leave.

I sat across from him and took both of  his hands in mine.

“I have to go now, Daddy.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, but I will be back soon.”

“Where you goin’?”

“Well, back to work and then home.”

“When are you coming back?”

“Soon, Daddy, soon.”

I leaned in and hugged him.

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Tears well, heart breaks and I leave as quickly as I can.

It’s the moments of clarity that steal a little of my soul.

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Posted on September 2, 2011, in Sigh and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Love it. We are alike in this respect, only it was mom who had the Alzheimer’s disease.

  2. Love this post. I went through this with my gramma and now my mom is starting to show symptoms. It’s amazing how funny the situation can be one moment and heartbreaking the next.

    • Thank you, cinderelly. And I know, right? If I didn’t maintain my sense of humor I’m sure someone would find me curled up in a fetal position in some corner somewhere.

      It sure does keep all else in perspective.

      Hugs to you for your struggles.

  3. One of my best friends went through this with her Mom. It makes me no authority on the subject, for sure, but I know that keeping her sense of humor really helped and it sounds like you have the right perspective. Her mom was hilarious sometimes and those moments helped her cope. (Too bad that any family has to face this illness.)

  1. Pingback: Post Toasted « awesomesauciness

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