That Ain’t Chocolate

It was chaotic at my house on Labor Day.  That’s because there were 16 of us, including kids, and everyone was talking at the same time and the kids were taking full advantage of the fact that we were all distracted.

I’m still picking Cheetos out of the carpet and furniture, and I didn’t see the cat till Tuesday morning.  I still don’t know where one of the remotes is and my tape dispenser is missing its tape.   If I hadn’t kissed every one of those grandbabies goodbye I’d be looking for one taped to a wall somewhere.

My oldest son has a little boy (he’s two) and he is just…well, he’s perfect and precious…and he was sick with strep – yay..now we can all enjoy the fruits of his bacteria-laden smooches.  He’s on antibiotics that give him…well, let’s call them what a former colleague did – the hershey squirts.

I’ll give you a moment to cleanse the visual from your brain.  Bleach anyone?

Better now?

So, after a particularly impressive episode the boy’s shorts needed washing…and why don’t parents these days pack extra clothing for their kids, especially the little ones?? Boggles the mind.

Instead of actually washing the shorts, my son decides to rinse them and dry them.   This is the same child who used to dust his room with canned air…he’s nothing if not inventive.

He puts the shorts in the dryer, along with a clean load of clothes that had already been dried…mind you, these shorts were  still dirty and *aromatic*.

My youngest son walks up to the table where I was chatting about important matters, such as what color feathers I wanted in my hair, with my daughter and daughter-in-law.

Youngest Son:  Mom, you can yell at (older brother) if you want but he just put those stinky shorts in the dryer with your clean clothes.

Me:  He didn’t!!

Youngest Son:  Oh, yeah, he did. I know he thinks it’s okay because he sprayed  oxycontin on them first.

Me: *blink* Wha…?

Daughter:  You have oxycontin?  Where?

D-I-L:  If you’ve got some, you better share!

YS:  *looking terribly confused* What are you talking about?

Me: *unable to respond, laughing too hard*

Daughter:  Oxycontin is a pain killer, brother, I think you mean Oxi-Clean

YS: *totally embarrassed, does not answer and walks off in a huff*

Me: *still laughing hard and now wondering if I may pass out*

And, yeah I did have to re-wash all those clothes.

Sigh….you’d never know these “kids” are all in their 30’s.

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Posted on September 8, 2011, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Random Crap, What the flippity-flop? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Most guys just don’t understand a thing about bacteria. Of course, I am not speaking of the yard-stick toting or owl-loving science teachers, but of normal sons and husbands who put rinsed poopy pants into the dyer with a clean load, or like my husband, who I caught with his shoes on the bed the other day and later caught scratching himself down there, and reaching for a block of cheese out of the fridge with the same hand. I stood there in shock as he proceeded to cut off a few slices (stopping to scratch again once or twice) and then return the cheese to the fridge……I grabbed the cheese and ran for the garbage truck. Bacteria ? What bacteria?

    • Oh..geez…I’m with ya sister. My husband routinely sets his smelly shoes on the kitchen table. Ewwww….

      • Cheese is pretty rank stuff when you stop to think about it anyway… which I choose not to when eating cheese.

        Yeast, bacteria, and mold in milk that’s been allowed to go bad in a controlled manner and then compacted into a glorious spoiled milk, bacteria, mold, and yeast block?!

        Cut me a slice of that!

      • Along the same lines:

        If anyone offers to let you look at a cheese culture under a microscope: decline.

        You won’t be able to eat cheese for a good while after that.

  2. Catherine Meyers

    Hello Awesomesauciness,

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    Let me know if you are interested and what you think.

    Kind regards,

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  3. Cathy – so you want me to add blogdire to my blogroll, right? And you will add a link to my blog on blogdire in exchange, correct?

    Meh..why not? Go ahead and I’ll do the same once I see my blog listed at blogdire.

    Glad you like the site, too. 🙂

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