Daily Archives: September 29, 2011

I Think I’ll Add a “Guess You Had to Be There” Tag

For posts like this one.

Our company is hosting its annual (read that last word like you were Lloyd Christmas in “Dumb and Dumber” – an-oo-ull -…go ahead, I’ll wait)…okay, where were we?

Oh, yes I was about to tell you about the picnic ticket fiasco of 2011.

My employer has three locations in Texas.  Two of them are located in the DFW Metroplex and I work at one and one of my besties in all the world works at the other.

At least once a day she calls me a “jackass”.  If she didn’t I would think the honeymoon was over and she’d found someone new.

Yesterday she sent me the tickets for our annual company picnic and inside the envelope was a detailed inventory of the tickets…ticket numbers, employee names and how many each person gets.

She’s thorough…that’s why she gets to package these things and why I take care of petting zoos and clowns.  Not that we ever actually have petting zoos or clowns, mind you I’ve asked, but if we did I’m your gal.

Oh, I can count, but I’m easily distr- SQUIRREL!

Cute squirrel = distraction

So, I get the tickets out this morning and proceed to package them up for the employees getting them.

I also double-check my math.  Twice.  What is that? Quadruple check? Sounds complicated and math-y so I’ll go with that.

I begin handing them out, before I’ve finished the counting and packaging.  Of course, I come up short.

Of course I do.


I begin a re-count of everyone who has gotten them, and the few I have left.

Still short.

I call her up and tell her I’ve got a problem.  She keeps insisting the count is right.

I know it is. It always is, that’s why she does these things and I don’t.


Squirrels don't know how to do math. That's why it's so easy to steal their acorns, they never know how many they have. Not that I'd ever steal from a cute li'l squirrel, I'm just sayin'...geez people!

I count again, I check the stacks again, I get everyone I’ve given tickets to to verify their tickets against the list again.

I’m still short.  Five tickets short.

I send an e-mail to the employee whose tickets I don’t have and tell him he’ll have to get his tickets from her as I’m short and she has the extras.  I add some snarkiness to the effect that she can’t count right as usual.

I call her and tell her I’m exactly five tickets short, and oh by the way, one person that is owed tickets is out of town and how will I get those to him in time?

She says, “There’s your missing five.  I wrote on the outside of the envelope that I’d already sent his to him! Jackass!”

I pull out the gi-normous envelope with the HUGE black letters on the front letting me know she’d sent those five to our out-of-towner.


On an otherwise unmarked white envelope.

I never saw them.

Because, you know…….ninj- SQUIRREL!!

Pretty bad when even the wildlife mocks you.

See, told ya you just had to be there.