Daily Archives: October 20, 2011

Imploded Eardrums! Dogs and Cats Living Together! Mass Hysteria!

I went to see my asthma doctor for a regular check-up on Tuesday.  I do this twice a year and it’s usually a routine check of lung function, adjusting of medications (if needed) and a pat on the head sending me on my way…sometimes, I get a stamp on my hand but that’s only if I grab one out of the kiddie basket as I’m waiting to pay for the pleasure of the doctor’s company and do it myself. 

This time, though, it was a bit different. I’d been awakened, last weekend, by an extremely painful  stabbity, shooting, throbbing pain in my left ear.   The accompanying dizziness and nausea was just an added bonus.   I get these from time to time and had always assumed my ear was irritated or infected or just pissed off,  so I’d put these drops in it – the ones you use for swimmer’s ear – and the pain would go away.

Yeah, well all did not go according to plan this time and after two days of the incessant pain and dizziness I was ready to kill somebody. 

I knew about the doctor’s appointment so I figured I could hold out till then to see if she could check it out and maybe give me something for it.

She looked at my right ear and it was good.

She looked at my throat and it was good.

She looked up my nose and it was good.

She looked at my left ear and it was…not so good.

My first clue that it was not so good was her…”Huh” comment.

“Huh” comments by doctors rank right up there, for me, with “Well” and “Oops”.  They’re not as bad as the “I’ve NEVER seen that before”, but still they usually set my teeth on edge.

“What?” I asked in response to her “Huh”.

“It’s your eardrum. It’s retracted a bit.”

“It’s what?”

“You know how an umbrella will turn inside out whenever the wind creates a vacuum above it?”

*I’m now picturing an umbrella stabbing my eardrum and no longer wondering about the intense pain..it has been explained, I have an umbrella in my ear*

“Yeah.”

“Well, your Eustachian tube – that’s the tube that runs down the side of your neck and connects to the inside of your eardrum – it’s got fluid in it and creating this vacuum which, in turn, is causing your eardrum to retract.”

“Why?”

“Your nose.”

*now it was my turn to say “huh”, but in a more question-y way*

 “Excessive drainage from the nose and/or sinuses into the tubes will cause this.”

“But my nose is clear.”

“Yes, because it’s all running down the back side and into the Eustachian tube.”

“So, how do we fix this?”

“Sudafed.”

“Really?”

“Yep, take the Sudafed to clear the fluid from your nose and your ear will feel better.”

“Will the eardrum go back to the correct position?”

“Maybe.”

*Maybe? Maybe? Sigh…awesome*

So, I am taking the Sudafed and still feel like I’m drunk…only drunk’s more fun…and my ear hurts, but not as much.

I have no idea when, or if, I’ll stop feeling like I’ve been on a three-day bender, but I hope it’s soon.  The cat’s beginning to look at me very strangely…it’s like he thinks I’m going to topple over on him if he gets too close.

Whatevs..cat.

You try walking around with an umbrella stabbing you in the ear and see how well you handle it.