Imploded Eardrums! Dogs and Cats Living Together! Mass Hysteria!

I went to see my asthma doctor for a regular check-up on Tuesday.  I do this twice a year and it’s usually a routine check of lung function, adjusting of medications (if needed) and a pat on the head sending me on my way…sometimes, I get a stamp on my hand but that’s only if I grab one out of the kiddie basket as I’m waiting to pay for the pleasure of the doctor’s company and do it myself. 

This time, though, it was a bit different. I’d been awakened, last weekend, by an extremely painful  stabbity, shooting, throbbing pain in my left ear.   The accompanying dizziness and nausea was just an added bonus.   I get these from time to time and had always assumed my ear was irritated or infected or just pissed off,  so I’d put these drops in it – the ones you use for swimmer’s ear – and the pain would go away.

Yeah, well all did not go according to plan this time and after two days of the incessant pain and dizziness I was ready to kill somebody. 

I knew about the doctor’s appointment so I figured I could hold out till then to see if she could check it out and maybe give me something for it.

She looked at my right ear and it was good.

She looked at my throat and it was good.

She looked up my nose and it was good.

She looked at my left ear and it was…not so good.

My first clue that it was not so good was her…”Huh” comment.

“Huh” comments by doctors rank right up there, for me, with “Well” and “Oops”.  They’re not as bad as the “I’ve NEVER seen that before”, but still they usually set my teeth on edge.

“What?” I asked in response to her “Huh”.

“It’s your eardrum. It’s retracted a bit.”

“It’s what?”

“You know how an umbrella will turn inside out whenever the wind creates a vacuum above it?”

*I’m now picturing an umbrella stabbing my eardrum and no longer wondering about the intense has been explained, I have an umbrella in my ear*


“Well, your Eustachian tube – that’s the tube that runs down the side of your neck and connects to the inside of your eardrum – it’s got fluid in it and creating this vacuum which, in turn, is causing your eardrum to retract.”


“Your nose.”

*now it was my turn to say “huh”, but in a more question-y way*

 “Excessive drainage from the nose and/or sinuses into the tubes will cause this.”

“But my nose is clear.”

“Yes, because it’s all running down the back side and into the Eustachian tube.”

“So, how do we fix this?”



“Yep, take the Sudafed to clear the fluid from your nose and your ear will feel better.”

“Will the eardrum go back to the correct position?”


*Maybe? Maybe? Sigh…awesome*

So, I am taking the Sudafed and still feel like I’m drunk…only drunk’s more fun…and my ear hurts, but not as much.

I have no idea when, or if, I’ll stop feeling like I’ve been on a three-day bender, but I hope it’s soon.  The cat’s beginning to look at me very strangely…it’s like he thinks I’m going to topple over on him if he gets too close.

You try walking around with an umbrella stabbing you in the ear and see how well you handle it.

Posted on October 20, 2011, in Owiee!! and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. It would probably hurt less if an umbrella really were stabbing you in the ear.

    Hope you feel better soon. I’m on the backside of a sinus infection/asthmatic bronchitis… which means I’ve got at least one more week of wheezing/barking up a lung or two. Ugh… I hate the change of seasons. Nature needs to pick a weather pattern and stick with it. Say a balmy 77 degrees with mild showers. 🙂

    • L-squared,

      Seriously, it’s a painful thing. Feeling better, but only so long as I keep downing the Sudafed.

      I’m sure the pharmacist is beginning to wonder why I keep buying the stuff. Here, we have to show ID to buy it and they keep it behind the counter.

      Hey, Mr. Pharmacist! If you’re reading this, I can’t even spell metham-whatever, much less figure out how to make the stuff! Plus there’s that whole blowing-up-the-neighborhood that I don’t think would go over too well.

  2. Ouch. Sorry to hear it – any time a medical professional uses the word “retracted” in conjunction with a body part, you know it’s not a good thing.

    My last ear infection the doctor told me to take Claritin for the same reason – to help keep the tube-things clear so my ear would drain faster and I could finally stand up again without falling down. Hopefully your eardrum will pop back after things clear up.

    • Unfortunately, ghostie, another phrase I hear a LOT any more is “…well, at your age…” and that’s what she said about my eardrum before telling me it may just stay that way.

      I hear fine, but the slightest fluid imbalance can cause the pain and dizziness.

  3. I HATE that “Well at your age” phrase! Thankfully my doctor and I went all through school together and he is just as old and fat as I am…..but I still hear it at the dentist, eye doctor and etc. It’s just not nice!

  4. Addicted Reader

    Ouch, I hope you’re feeling better by now!

    On the plus side, you’ve made it all sound very funny. I’m chuckling out loud here.

    • Yes, much better thank you. Of course I have to take the Sudafed nearly every day, and a coirker who *thought* she was just having a bout of allergies when she coughed all over me turned out to be sick as a dog after all.

      Here I sit, waiting for the hammer to fall and the world to start spinning again.


  5. bookmarked, my friends will love this

  1. Pingback: Look What You Missed! « awesomesauciness


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