Drusilla

A long time ago, in a galaxy far..far…away…

There lived a young maiden with cinnamon buns stuck to either side of her head who had a brother she didn’t know about yet, which led to a very awkward kiss when looked back at, and this brother ran around a sand-covered planet wearing only his pajamas because the dryer was broken and those were his only clean clothes and if you live in a virtual sandstorm and wash your clothes you’re not going to hang them outside to dry when your dryer is on the fritz, because what is the point…

…oh..wait….wrong story…

This one is much more riveting.

Much.

Or maybe not…you be the judge, but not too harshly.

Years ago I worked a middle-management job.  It was loads of fun. Oh yes, I not only got yelled at by the boss, but my underlings were always disgruntled about something.  One even going so far as to complain that while there were certainly enough Almond Joy bars in the vending machine, well, sometimes she just didn’t “feel like a nut…” and wanted Mounds, too.

The bright spot was my receptionist.  Her name is not important (meaning I don’t really recall), but for the sake of this story let’s just say her name was Drusilla.

She was a gem. Hard working, bright, funny and warm.  She and I hit it off right away. We both viewed the world through a decidedly skewed lens, which lent itself to much hilarity.

We worked in a high-rise office building and one Halloween she dressed as Wednesday from the Addams Family and I dressed up as a black cat – ears, tail, etc and painted on nose and whisker.  As we got into the elevator to ride down to the cafeteria for lunch we noticed the strange looks from the other riders.

I swear Dru was a dead-ringer for Wednesday.

Turning to “Wednesday” I said, “It is such a shame we weren’t allowed to dress up this year for Halloween.”

She replied, “I know…and frankly, I don’t understand it.  I’m more than a little disappointed and intend to speak to MaMa about perhaps doing something about it.”

We heard the collective sounds of feet shuffling towards the corner of the elevator and were barely able to contain the giggles until getting off.

The elevator was one of our favorite “playhouses” from then on.

Another ride was the scene for this one:

Me: So, what did the doctor say?

Dru: About?

Me: You know..the…um…you know.

Dru: (coughs..loudly) OH, that!  Yes, well the rash is nearly gone, but this cough…….

Me: Well, from now on, get all of your vaccines before going to Haiti.

Drusilla was also constantly barraged by irate customers on the phone.  One was a high-profile surgeon and he started screaming at her one day that he wanted to speak to the owner.  The owner was out of town and Dru kept trying to tell him that.  She’d get halfway through and he’d start cussing, so she’d hang up on him – something I’d given her orders to do anytime anyone got abusive.

On the last call, when she answered he screamed,  “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” 

Unable to control herself any longer, Dru replied, “I’m sorry, I thought you were just an asshole.  I guess you’re really an asshole with amnesia, in which case the owner is still out of town but before she gets back maybe you could find out who you are.”

I nearly peed myself laughing, but had a lot of explaining to do when the boss came back and found one of her highest paying clients was threatening to take his business elsewhere.  She finally came around and he never called to berate Drusilla again.

Eventually, the business grew to the point that they had to move to what would turn out to be a distance too far for me to commute every day.

Drusilla left, too, to attend school in Galveston.  She wanted to become a marine biologist in the worst way. Too bad she forgot about her incurable seasickness when she enrolled in college.  Two trips out to sea and that accounting degree was looking pretty good.

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Posted on October 25, 2011, in Guess You Had to Be There, Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Posts, Random Crap and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Drusilla sounds like awesomesauce.

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