Monthly Archives: October 2011

Because I’m Lazy

I bring you a post about nothing.

Except kitties!

I am fearsome, yes I am! Just because my human named me Mr. Snookums, do not underestimate my ferocity!

Mr. Snookums?  George, did you hear that?  His name is “Mr. Snookums”!

What are you laughing at….Fluffy-Wuffy?

Superman kitty…showin’ off his superpowers!

 

There Be Pirates Here!

I love festivals.

I love small towns.

So, it stands to reason that I love small town festivals.

And this one was, for the first couple of years, and now…hoo boy…it has gotten extremely popular.

It’s called Pirate Days of Texas and is held every October.  Usually, it’s not elebenty-billion degrees outside when the festival is going on.

This year, it was every bit that and possibly more.  I don’t care that the thermometer read 85, it felt like elebenty-billion..especially to someone who had a sunburn from spending many hours on the water the day before and was now spending many hours walking around the festival hunting for patches of shade.

So, anyway…my bitching about the heat aside…this festival is all kinds of awesomesauce.

And I have the pictures to prove it.

After you paid your $8, you were greeted by a wooden pirate…or possibly by a roasted pirate, coulda been either.

This is one of only a handful of replica pirate ships.  I wanted to go inside, but it was painted BLACK and like I said, it was elebenty-billion degrees that day.

This pirate was either demonstrating the correct use of a mortar and pestle or I snapped this shot just as he was about to pass out from the heat.  Yeah, that was probably it.

This pirate was really miffed that no one recognized him in the “Wanted” posters that everyone was getting.  I think it was the parrot disguise..or the fact that it was so hot no one was interested in arresting anyone, unless it meant you could ride to the prison in an air-conditioned wagon.

This is Izzy and her friend, the Disappointed Pirate.  Later, I saw Izzy on her perch in a tent and every time the wind blew she would toss her head back and close her eyes…really cute girl.

 

The interior of a tent in the replica pirate encampment.  I didn’t go all the way inside.  There was, literally, no air in there.

 

 

I burned my hand touching the leather hat in the middle – top row – I shit you not.

 

A display of brass and glass steampunk goggles.  Apparently, I didn’t think that brass and/or glass get hot in the sun so this is the second place I burned my hand.  I iz smart…but I’m blaming it all on the heat having turned my brain to gruel at this point.

I didn’t take a picture of the library booth – mostly because it was really lacking in creativity – but I did chat with a very enthusiastic librarian about the availability of eBooks for loan..total squee to this Kindle owner’s ears.

I also met a very sweet couple of aging hippies selling tie-dyed t-shirts and peace symbol jewelry.  They travel all over selling their wares every weekend.

There were also two stages set up with Celtic bands, reenactments of pirate swordfights and a cannon that was shot every hour.

Not to mention the food! Awesome turkey legs, funnel cakes and nachos…you know, typical pirate fare.

It really is a fun festival and I will go again next year.  I’ve been every year since its inception…I just hope it’s more like autumn and less like summer next time.

 

Two Blondes Walk Into A Bar

I’m not blonde.

I’m a reddish-brown sorta gal..and no matter what I do, my hair refuses to change colors…seriously, my daughter says I have a strong red tone to my hair and I think she should know since she is a hairstylist.

I do, however, feel for my blonde sisters and the bum rap they get.

Granted, sometimes it’s deserved but I think “blonde” could often be substituted with “redhead” or “brunette” and be just as applicable.

With that in mind, I present some pretty smart blondes of yore.

And, while there’s a totally ironic and completely joke-worthy twist to this…I’ll refrain…with great difficulty….from pointing out the obvious.

*sits on hands*

*begins to quiver*

*one hand escapes and then the other and then….*

OMG! Really? I mean how ironic is it that the person who published this page about brilliant blondes cannot even put together a coherent/cohesive sentence???

The only thing that would make it perfect would be if there was an “About the Author” blurb at the bottom..with a picture of a blonde smiling vapidly.

I apologize for my insensitivity, but….BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Seriously…this shit writes itself.

Intermission

 

 

Lest you think I ain’t cultured or somethin’ like that.

 

My Long Lost Friend – Stephanie Rose

Sent me a very revealing e-mail:

******** was the exact link my cousin showed me after i spilled my faults out to my family. I swear since the last time we talked, i was doing bad, now im making over 30 bucks a hour, all on my own time. Thought you should give it a read and check it.

I left out the hyperlink she attached, she is after all a very dear friend and I didn’t want to, you know, embarass her or anything.

Never mind that I’d never heard of “Stephanie Rose”, it was apparent that at some point we were friends and then she fell on hard times and I….I….I wasn’t there for her…sigh…

I’m obviously a terrible friend and yet here she was reaching out to me and offering me this awesome opportunity.

So, I answered her back:

Dearest Stephanie,

You’re right! It has been ages since we spoke and I must say that though I didn’t know you had fallen on hard times – I know, I’m a terrible bestie – I’m very happy to see you’ve gotten your shit together at last.  If I remember correctly, you never were very bright so I’m not really all that surprised to hear about this.  In fact, Miss Stephanie, aren’t you the one I caught naked..in the back seat of my boyfriend’s car at prom?  Yes, yes…it was you.  Where, exactly did you say you live now?  How about a phone number, too?

Hugs,

Your bestest friend 

I am awaiting her reply, and yet something tells me I won’t be hearing from my best friend “Stephanie” anytime soon. 

Today’s Sinus Enema…

…is brought to you by the following…

Hmm?  Oh, you want to know what a ‘sinus enema’ is first?

Very well.

You know how sometimes you read/see/hear something so ridiculous/hilarious/other words that end in ‘ous’ – while you are drinking your soda/juice/water/coffee/vodka – that you end up spewing said beverage out of your nostrils – usually quite painfully?

Yeah, that’s a sinus enema.

My favorites are the ones where the hilarity is totally unintentional.

Like this.

Let me preface by saying that my employer is e-mail driven.

E-mail.Driven.

We all get an e-mail about a global RIM (Blackberry) blackout, but the sender (our IT professional) isn’t sure if it will have any effect on our fleet of hundreds upon hundreds of Blackberries in use by management.

Wha…?  A global blackout that may not affect us? 

I knew it.  We are on another planet here.

*notes date/time of validation of theory about employer’s planetary shift shenannigans – scratches through previous explanation ‘this is hell with fluorescent lighting’*

An hour later the same IT guy sends another e-mail.

An e-mail, people.

To tell us that yes, in fact, the global blackout will affect our Blackberries.

Senders can call, but cannot receive e-mails.

He sends this….in an e-mail.

To everyone.

*scratches through validation date/time and makes note to look for other opportunities to prove/disprove planetary shift theory and rewrites original ‘this is hell with fluorescent lighting’ theory down again*

So the people with non-functioning Blackberries have now received two e-mails to tell them that, basically, they can’t receive e-mails.

That, my friends, is awesomesauce that I couldn’t make up if I tried.

It’s also the reason I’m still cleaning today’s beverage-of-choice from my keyboard..and my sinuses are very sore, but very clear.

Are you saying I got two e-mails about this e-mail outage?  I didn’t get anything, I swear! Oh, wait…

 

Twofer

If it’s Wednesday *checks calendar to verify*..yep…

Anyway, if it’s Wednesday it must be……

Post time!   And today is twofer post day! 

Please, contain your excitement as I present…………

A kitty on a post! Squee!

No it’s not mine but it does remind me of a cat I once knew named Buffy.  The only cat I ever met that loved rides in the car and swimming.   Go figure.

It Is Utterly Impossible

…to eat certain foods and look cool…

Like spaghetti……

As a baby, total squee.  Thirty years later? Eh..not so much.

Or salad…

The conversation starts out innocently enough  – “Are you going to shove all that in your mouth at once?” – and then, it just goes downhill from there.

Soup anyone?

Between the visual and the sounds I can’t tell if something is going in or coming out at this point.

I’m sure there are more things, but it’s lunchtime and I’m hungry for soup….and salad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything Is Correct…Except All Of It

I’m getting new homeowner’s insurance.  The new company sent me an application for the insurance.  This after extensive e-mails and phone calls and the like over the last several months, is what I found wrong with the application so I sent it back to the rep with this note:

Mr. New Insurance guy, much of the information contained in this application is incorrect.

 My husband should also be on this policy.  I don’t see him listed anywhere.

 I do not have a bachelor’s degree, just a high school diploma.

 I am not in sales, I am an administrative coordinator, and have been employed as such since 1990. With the same company since 2002.

 The home was built in 1996, not 2005.  We have lived there since 1996, not 2005.

 The burglar alarm is monitored.

 My prior insurance carrier was Safeco, not State Farm and the policy number listed is not mine.

 The roof is original to the house.

So, after wooing me for nearly a year you finally score the prize and just quit on me?  Seriously, dude, it’s like you’re not even trying anymore.

He called me back, laughing, and apologized.  I’m still waiting for the flower delivery to get here, though.

And, the corrected application would be nice too.

Because It REALLY Is….

….no laughing matter…

Mental health is just as important as physical health.  If you, or someone you care about, is suffering maybe the fact that October is National Mental Health Month could serve as a springboard for discussing your concerns.

Here’s a link to a helpful website to get started.