Part One: I Used To_______

Fill in the blank, because if there’s an office job out there I’ve probably done it.

Not that I’m proud of it, but until several years ago I had been fired from every job I ever had, starting when I was 14 yrs. old.

Let’s see, at 14 I was fired because my mother was the boss and nepotism was frowned on on a Tuesday.  Monday, it was okay…but Tuesday rolled around and suddenly it wasn’t.

After that I worked the usual teenage stuff until I got married.

I didn’t work, full-time, again until the kiddies were in school.  I believe a mother should stay home and raise the little mongrels she helps create.  Yeah, I’m crazy like that.

My first full-time job was as an office manager for a woman who was, in my very un-scholarly opinion, a certified loon.  I think she also had a touch of multiple-personality disorder.  Her name was Vickie, but some days she insisted on being called ‘Victoria’.  On those days, she dressed and spoke differently.  Even her mannerisms were different as Victoria.

I can deal with crazy, but multiple personalities?  That was not easy. Especially when one would tell me to do something and then the other would show up later and scream at me for doing it.

After six months of that I’d had enough. I found a new job and told Vickie/Victoria I was giving notice.  I think Victoria would have let me work the remaining time, but I’d told Vickie and she was pissed.  So, she wrote me out my last check and told me to leave.  I got an unexpected vacation, but it was okay as I was going to what I believed was a fun job.

I went to work for a courier service as a customer service rep.  I answered upwards of 200 calls per day for local couriers.  This was way before e-mail, so paperwork had to be physically shuttled from place to place.  On holidays – Valentine’s Day for example – we’d also do flower delivery for local florists.  One year my father-in-law passed away – very young and very suddenly – and I called my boss on February 12th to tell her I’d be going out of town for the funeral.  She informed me that I couldn’t do that as Valentine’s Day was their busiest day of the year, and if I didn’t come in I was fired.

Yes, you read that right.  I got fired for going to my father-in-law’s funeral.

After that, I worked for a company that sold plastic bags.  It was a great job and the boss was amazing.  However, his wife owned a business two floors above us and simply couldn’t keep from meddling.  The final straw, for me as accounting manager, was the day she posted the notice that we’d be allowed two bathroom breaks per day at no more than three minutes each.  It was her contention that too much time was being taken away from the phones and the main job of selling bags.  During the meeting to explain this new rule I opened my big mouth and said, “Diane, you obviously have waaaaaaaay too much time on your hands.  Why don’t you go out to my house and do a little cleaning?”

If I’d of said that in private she would have been pissed, but nothing would have come of it.  That is not me, though, and since I called her out in front of about 20 other people…yep, it was look-for-job-time again.

To be continued tomorrow….

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Posted on December 8, 2011, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Too Much Information and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I can relate! And I look forward to the rest of the story…

  1. Pingback: New This Week « awesomesauciness

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