Daily Archives: December 19, 2011

We Are Never Really Out Of These Things

In my house we are never *really* out of two things – peanut butter and toothpaste.

And, no it’s not because I stock up, obsessively, on those items.  I may be strange, but I do not have a room  in my house devoted to stacks of toothpaste and rows of peanut butter jars.  Mostly because I just don’t have the space since I’m hoarding incandescent light bulbs.  I’ve got about 900 of them in various wattages.  Forget the Mayan end-of-the-world prophecies,  I’m prepared for the 2012 incandescentbulbacolypse once those babies are banned and we’re forced to buy the oh-so-safe, mercury-filled fluorescent bulbs.  I’m going to make a fortune selling bulbs, and then I’ll take my windfall and buy whatever it is that will be banned next.  It’s my own personal get-rich-quick plan.

Wait.  Where was I?  Oh, right peanut butter and toothpaste.  As I was saying, we are never truly out of either.

Hubby:  Do we have any more toothpaste?

Me:  No, why?

Hubby: This one is empty.

Me:  Psssh…right.

Hubby: (standing on toothpaste tube)  See?  Nothing is coming out.

Me:  Hand it to me.

I begin making tiny rolls up the tube until a small amount comes out the end and onto his toothbrush.

Me: See? Told you.  There’s plenty left in there.

Later, in the kitchen I hear SCRAPE, SCRAPE, SCRAPE.

Hubby:  Honey, do we have any more peanut butter?

Me: Nope, but there’s plenty in the jar in the pantry.

Hubby:  Uh..no, there’s not.  I couldn’t scrape enough out to cover the knife, much less my bread.

Me: (taking the jar from him and getting a silicone spatula I slide some peanut butter down onto the bread)  There.  And, look at how much is left in the jar.

Repeat the above scenario over and over until Hubby has had enough and demands I buy peanut butter and toothpaste.

Me: Fine, but I don’t see why when we have plenty left…..