We Are Never Really Out Of These Things

In my house we are never *really* out of two things – peanut butter and toothpaste.

And, no it’s not because I stock up, obsessively, on those items.  I may be strange, but I do not have a room  in my house devoted to stacks of toothpaste and rows of peanut butter jars.  Mostly because I just don’t have the space since I’m hoarding incandescent light bulbs.  I’ve got about 900 of them in various wattages.  Forget the Mayan end-of-the-world prophecies,  I’m prepared for the 2012 incandescentbulbacolypse once those babies are banned and we’re forced to buy the oh-so-safe, mercury-filled fluorescent bulbs.  I’m going to make a fortune selling bulbs, and then I’ll take my windfall and buy whatever it is that will be banned next.  It’s my own personal get-rich-quick plan.

Wait.  Where was I?  Oh, right peanut butter and toothpaste.  As I was saying, we are never truly out of either.

Hubby:  Do we have any more toothpaste?

Me:  No, why?

Hubby: This one is empty.

Me:  Psssh…right.

Hubby: (standing on toothpaste tube)  See?  Nothing is coming out.

Me:  Hand it to me.

I begin making tiny rolls up the tube until a small amount comes out the end and onto his toothbrush.

Me: See? Told you.  There’s plenty left in there.

Later, in the kitchen I hear SCRAPE, SCRAPE, SCRAPE.

Hubby:  Honey, do we have any more peanut butter?

Me: Nope, but there’s plenty in the jar in the pantry.

Hubby:  Uh..no, there’s not.  I couldn’t scrape enough out to cover the knife, much less my bread.

Me: (taking the jar from him and getting a silicone spatula I slide some peanut butter down onto the bread)  There.  And, look at how much is left in the jar.

Repeat the above scenario over and over until Hubby has had enough and demands I buy peanut butter and toothpaste.

Me: Fine, but I don’t see why when we have plenty left…..

Posted on December 19, 2011, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Sounds familiar to me. We’re never out of those either and for the very same reasons.

    You hoard incandescent bulbs? Mercury is a nerve poison, so one day they might just get banned so you can also hoard those to make a killing on them when they are replaced with the LED’s

  2. I, too, am ready for incandescentbulbacolypse, and have been hoarding! I don’t like the look of the curly bulbs in my dining room chandelier, and that is my one hold out.

    When women say there is still plenty of toothpaste in the tube, shampoo in the bottle or peanut butter in the jar just like when the “low fuel” light comes on, the woman panics and the man says, “Oh we have enough fuel to get to Timbucktu and back. Relax” ? What do you think?

    • You’re right! I can remember driving with hubby and seeing that light come on. I get nervous when my tank gets below 1/2, but hubby will drive until the needle is below the “E”.

      I’m going to use that analogy next time it comes up.

  3. Just yesterday I “fixed” hubby’s toothpaste tube. He’d been squeezing it any which way, so I took it and ran the end over the corner of the counter to flatten it upwards, like you’re supposed to.


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