Ever Have One of Those “Twilight Zone” Moments?

I do.

I have them a LOT.

However, most of them fade into the chaotic cloud that is my life and I quickly forget about them.

Sometimes, though..sometimes they stick.

This was one of those times.

Presented for your entertainment…my trip into the Twilight Zone, circa 2006.

This was a phone conversation between me and the owner of a local landscape company that occurred after the drunk drove through my yard and took a rather large oak to the ground with her heavy Taurus.

(Remind me later to tell you that story)

The insurance company gave us about $1,100 to replace that tree and since it had been all but destroyed in the Taurocolypse I called around to see about getting a replacement.

Most of the companies I spoke to were polite and quoted me pricing on tree removal and replacement in conversations that lasted maybe five minutes, tops.

And then I called *Steve at *Bitter World Landscaping.

“Bitter World, this is Steve”

“Hi Steve, my name is *Xenia and I’d like to get a quote on tree replacement.”

“Replacement?  What happened?”

“Well, it’s a long story but basically a car was driven through my front yard and it took my oak tree to the ground.”

“And now you got the insurance money and are going to see how much it would cost to replace the tree, right? Hmmm?”

“Yes, that’s it.”

“Of course, you won’t actually pay me to replace the tree.  What you’ll do is get your estimates in case anyone asks you about it later and then do nothing.”

“Uh…”

“And then I’m stuck doing all this prep work, coming out there, giving you an estimate, and you are NEVER going to hire me!”

Steve’s voice was getting shrill.

“And then the wife will ask why *Babs can’t go to private school and *Tabs can’t go to Europe, and I’ll say it’s because of deadbeats who WASTE MY TIME by having me come give estimates for work they never intend to hire me to do!”

I was inclined to agree with him about the last part, but since he was on a rant I didn’t say anything.  As far as Steve knew,  I could be eating a ham sammich and watching the People’s Court, but it didn’t matter he was talking to himself now.

“And we’ll get a divorce, and NO that won’t cost me any money at ALL.  Babs still won’t go to private school and Tabs will go join a cult of some kind, shave his head and walk around barefoot in a sheet, for chrissakes!”

I cleared my throat and that seemed to break his train of thought.  He took a deep breath and in the most soothing of voices said, “So, will Tuesday be a good day to come out?”

*Not anyone’s real name…except mine just might be Xenia.

Posted on January 9, 2012, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Random Crap, What the flippity-flop? and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. At that point, I’d have paid him $100 to keep going with his rant. Written a book, made tons of money, then hired him to replace the tree.

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