Monthly Archives: March 2012

I Miss Jennie

Today is a tough day for me.

And, I’m warning you this post is all about someone in my RL that you don’t know or care a thing about.  It’s also probably not funny, so now is your chance to escape. 

Her name is Jennie.

She was named for a female jackass, by her loving daddy, and grew up with a fondness for jackasses.

She’s a great deal older than me, but in the nine years I’ve known her she’s become the childlike model for the woman I want to be.

She’s irreverent, bawdy, warm, kind, and when she has to be she can be a real bitch.  Her sense of humor is wicked and I have never met a more inventive prankster.  She once brought a co-worker a mayonnaise and tomato sandwich (full well knowing how he felt about the two), presenting it with a great flourish, and then acted crushed when he refused to eat the two foods he detested more than anything else in the world.  Another time she LOUDLY proclaimed, in a crowded restaurant, that she now understood fully the word “queef”…go look it up, I will wait.

*files nails, answers phone* 

You back?  See what I mean and why the rest of us at the table wished there was a small hole directly under us at that moment?

I love her dearly, and she’s one of my three best friends in the world.  It’s a small circle of friends I have, because I’m fiercely independent, lack any internal filters so I speak my mind, and live in a wrong/right/black/white world.   As one coworker said recently,  “There are no ‘grays’ in your world, are there?”

Damn straight there aren’t, buddy.

But, I digress.

Today my dear friend and longtime coworker – Jennie – retires.   I look at the words I just typed and want to cry.  I can’t believe she won’t be calling me at six in the morning just to whisper “jackass” into the phone.

Let me explain.

To Jennie, ‘jackass’ is a term of endearment.  This is information that would have been helpful before the first time she called me one.  Instead I was left wondering what I’d done to incur her wrath, seeing as how I think I’d rather walk over broken glass before I endured Jennie’s wrath.

She had to explain it to me, and now when she calls me a jackass I smile warmly and know I’m loved.

So, today – probably as you read this – I will be prepping for Jennie’s retirement party.  People from all over are coming, as her influence is far more reaching than even I anticipated.  I have gotten RSVPs from folks Jennie hasn’t worked with in twenty years!

We are going to do a roast, in the spirit of the “Dean Martin Roasts” from the days of television yore.  Go look it up, I’ll wait…again.

*grabs tea she forgot about in kitchen*

See what I’m talking about?  It’ll be fun.

It’ll also be so incredibly bittersweet.   Bitter for those of us privileged to long-know Miss Jennie, and sweet for the same reason.  She, who always gave her all, will finally be able to relax and enjoy the ‘golden years’.

We’ll remember her fondly, and no doubt the ‘jackass’ term will be used long after she leaves.

Besides, she’s already warned us ‘jackasses’ she’ll be back from time to time.

And you know what?

She will.

…..then

…and now…

Some people never change.  Thank God.

 

p.s. that’s not snot..kids…that’s that glue-y stuff that comes off the back of labels sometimes…she was acting goofy…just being Jennie.

 

Today’s Sinus Enema…

….has been brought to you by…….Elphaba and Dorothy…and I tell you what, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.  I hope you do, too.   🙂

Throwing You a Bone

I’m utterly swamped, so I’m going to totally bail on y’all today.

Here, go here and become a (food) rip-off artist.

And if any of you try these, let me know how they turn out.

 

I’m Baaaaaaaaaaack!

Sort of….a million things to catch up on at work, and a million things to share with you.

I promise to post something at lease moderately interesting on Wednesday.

 

Friday, March 23rd, 2012

And you are here………

So, everyone remember where you parked in case we get separated.

I Like This Guy!

Who knew that a mortgage lender could be so much fun?

Not I.

Yet here I was, last week, minding my own business when a loan servicer from my mortgage company sent me an unsolicited e-mail.

He was interested in helping me with my mortgage.

At first, I thought this must be a scam.

My mortgage is fine.  I’m not in any danger of it getting ill, needing life support, or dying.  Like most other Texans, we  weathered the recent economic downturns with nary a scratch.

Upon further inspection, it appears this is a legit offer.  (I called the number and sure enough it’s a local office of my mortgage company and he works there).

Normally, I find that these things never amount to enough of a savings to warrant the headache of signing all those forms and going through the anal probe (a/k/a credit check) necessary.

However, something was different about this offer.

It was in the wording.

Halfway through the first paragraph, Helpful Loan Servicer wrote   “…I know I can defiantly save you money.”

And I thought, if  he is that adamant….

Maybe he’ll completely delete my remaining balance…DEFIANTLY!!

Power to the Mortgage Loan Servicers!!

It’s Sprung!

Spring, that is!

And, no I’m not going to get into the whole debate about whether it’s March 20th or the 21st. 

In my neck of the woods it’s usually some time in February, anyway.

And here’s a picture of some flowers…none of which resemble anything I’ve ever tried to grow in Texas.

Let the sneezing begin!

I Don’t Fly..

….and this is just one of the many reasons why….

Not only do I not want to be zapped by as much radiation as a chest x-ray for no apparent reason, I also don’t want to be groped by anyone..except my husband.

Besides, my thinking is this:  the terrorists may get us again…but it won’t be by plane, because there’s not an American out there who wouldn’t take care of business and take the bastids down if it ever came to that again.  Remember the underwear bomber?  Subdued by passengers.  I’m surprised they didn’t pop open a door and deliver a little justice at 12,000 feet, too.  I’ll bet it was considered, albeit silently.

So, until sanity is restored to our airports I’m not flying.

This Is NOT a Political Post

I try to keep my politics off this site, and this post is no exception.

This post is about an extraordinary man, who takes extraordinary chances, to bring us extraordinary insights into the life of the coalition forces whose boots are firmly planted in the sands of Iraq and Afghanistan.

Ladies and gentlemen, take a moment to familiarize yourself with Michael Yon.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I usually do a recap on Saturday, but when you’re married to an Irishman, and this Saturday is St. Patrick’s Day, well….

Shona St. La Padraig!