Daily Archives: March 6, 2012

Party Dockers in the House at Night!

We have a problem.

With raccoons.

On our boat, at the marina.

Yes I realize there are many people who skipped right over the “problem” part and are now focusing on “boat.at.marina”…these same people are cursing my name and asking how could anyone who has a Boat.At.A.Marina. … have anything to complain about, least of all adorable widdle raccoons?

Well I do and I am. If it’s any consolation though, this shit’s expensive.

The little bastids are wreaking havoc on the boats that are covered out there.

Apparently, they shred the boat covers to get inside. They’re looking for food or warmth or warm food.

My boat is not covered, and there’s no food on it anywhere. It’s meticulously clean. I know because we clean it from bow to stern after every outing.

The critters still cost me over $200 this past weekend.

They apparently get on my boat and “play” with the toggle switches that work the bilge pump, depth finder and lighting.

No one read the “Last One Off The Boat Turn Off The Lights” sign that I would have posted on it had I known this would be an issue. So, they didn’t. Or maybe raccoons can’t read, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Definitely, one of those.

Anyway, my batteries died. Notice I said “batteries” not “battery”. There are two of them and they were both toast.

We even tried hooking up the charger to the batteries and the display flashed.


Which I found translates to “You be screwed, and that will be $200 because marine batteries ain’t cheap,  thankyouverymuch.”

Acronyms are so minimalistic anymore.

So for all you PETA types out there, I have just one thing to say:

Raccoon…it’s what’s for supper at the bottom of the lake first time I catch one of them.


And if you think all raccoons are fuzzy-wuzzy, then you have a warped mind. I blame Disney.