Party Dockers in the House at Night!

We have a problem.

With raccoons.

On our boat, at the marina.

Yes I realize there are many people who skipped right over the “problem” part and are now focusing on “”…these same people are cursing my name and asking how could anyone who has a Boat.At.A.Marina. … have anything to complain about, least of all adorable widdle raccoons?

Well I do and I am. If it’s any consolation though, this shit’s expensive.

The little bastids are wreaking havoc on the boats that are covered out there.

Apparently, they shred the boat covers to get inside. They’re looking for food or warmth or warm food.

My boat is not covered, and there’s no food on it anywhere. It’s meticulously clean. I know because we clean it from bow to stern after every outing.

The critters still cost me over $200 this past weekend.

They apparently get on my boat and “play” with the toggle switches that work the bilge pump, depth finder and lighting.

No one read the “Last One Off The Boat Turn Off The Lights” sign that I would have posted on it had I known this would be an issue. So, they didn’t. Or maybe raccoons can’t read, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Definitely, one of those.

Anyway, my batteries died. Notice I said “batteries” not “battery”. There are two of them and they were both toast.

We even tried hooking up the charger to the batteries and the display flashed.


Which I found translates to “You be screwed, and that will be $200 because marine batteries ain’t cheap,  thankyouverymuch.”

Acronyms are so minimalistic anymore.

So for all you PETA types out there, I have just one thing to say:

Raccoon…it’s what’s for supper at the bottom of the lake first time I catch one of them.


And if you think all raccoons are fuzzy-wuzzy, then you have a warped mind. I blame Disney.

Posted on March 6, 2012, in Things That Annoy, What the flippity-flop? and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. That sucks. Wonder if you can put a trap on the deck, and catch them?
    Had an uncle that liked to go coon hunting, but I never understood the need to bark at a treed racoon. Some people…

    • Yes, well only the “approved” traps can be used and the Texas Dept of Wildlife provides exactly ONE trap for the entire town this is in.

      Apparently Walt Disney warped a LOT of minds.

      • Just think, by this time next week you could have your very own Davy Crockett hat.

        You can blame that one on Disney too! They were the ones who gave him that cunning hat.

        Now I want a raccoon hat.

  2. Raccoons are nasty little pieces of work. If you’ve ever seen two of them fight then you know just what “fighting with the gloves off” really looks like. It’s the small mammal equivalent of a prison shaking.

    Makes all them antlered critters look like English Lords fencing for sport. “What ho’, old boy. That was a good clash of the antler, I do say! Shall we again?”

      • Methinks the Taco knows waaaaaaaaaay too much about raccoons.

      • Yeah, we have a LOT of them in Washington. I never understood how Disney could romanticize those little jerks-of-the-forest.

      • I know, right? My cousin raised one from a li’l cub or kit or whatever the hell they are called. We were I think 10 at the time, and her ‘coon – Rocky – was just the cutest little thing and then after months of caring for him he bit her and ran away. Fears of rabies and shots and such danced in our little heads, but he came back and was trapped and beheaded..a fitting end, and even my cousin didn’t shed a tear. She still has the scar on her hand from the bite, though no rabies was found.

  3. This may be the best blog post title I’ve ever read. The post is pretty darn funny too. And by funny, I mean, off the wall and expensive sounding. Trust me, I get what you’re saying about a raccoon being no joke – I have no qualms about sending one or two to meet their maker!

  4. Don’t know if I like racoons. What do they taste like? I wouldn’t mind trying a good Jamaican jerk recipe on one 😀

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