The Apoca-Apocap-Apooca…End of The World

After getting a shout out from my blog buddy, Mark, I read his post on the awesomeness of his customer service experience.  Lucky stiff.

I also clicked a link in the post to a blogger named Jen, and then laughed to tears over her dining experience post and even better post on doomsday preparations.

I have a brother-in-law like the people she describes in the post.  And, I’ll bet he has a checklist.

I don’t ask.

I don’t want to know.

That, however, does not stop him from sharing his various survival strategies with me and my husband.

And that leads to some pretty hilarious shit.

BIL:  Yeah, in the back yard I have buried money in glass jars and bleach – for purifying water – and canned goods in these plastic bags that will last forever.  I’ve got a compound bow and arrows, and knives, waterproof matches, and even a cookstove sealed in bags and buried in different spots around the back yard.

HUBBY:  How do you remember where everything is?

BIL: I plant *certain* plants over the spot every year and have a graph I’ve drawn to show their exact location.

HUBBY:  And where are the guns buried?

BIL: Guns? I don’t have any guns.

HUBBY:  Yeah, and if this doomsday shit ever gets real, you won’t have anything else either.

BIL:  Yes, I will.  Because I am prepared.

HUBBY:  Prepared? For what?  To stop bullets with your arrows?  Dude,  yours will be the first castle to fall as soon as people realize that you have all this shit and you are, basically, unarmed.

BIL:  My neighbors, they wouldn’t….

HUBBY: Bullshit they won’t.  A bunch of starving people, maybe some sick or injured from fallout?  Shit gets real in a hurry in those situations, and neighbor or not, you are one dead dude.

BIL:  *makes the open-closed fishmouth thingy a time or two and then stares at hubby for a while*

HUBBY: *opens the cooler and pops the top on a cold one, grinning like the Cheshire cat* Beer?

And that, my friends, is why I adore that man.

Posted on April 26, 2012, in Awesomesauce and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Great. I grew up on farms, so my preparation for doomsday is already in my head. Leave, disappear into the bush and live off the land; a nomadic life.

  2. Nearly forgot. Where I live, the bush starts on the other side of the fence 😀

  3. Love the visual of BIL’s reaction!

  4. I’ve got one step on my Doomsday list: “Go to Tony’s house.”

    Tony has more guns than any person I’ve ever met, so either he’ll have died in the initial fallout and I’ll have access to all his stuff, he’ll be willing to take me in as somebody who’s a good shot and can help him kill zombies/robbers/neighbors and help him keep watch, or he’ll make sure I get a quick, clean death.

    Beyond that, basically get out of dodge and live in as low density a population area as we can find. Which shouldn’t be hard to find in Wisconsin, being mostly low density population areas and all.

    Granted, I’m fully expecting to die in the first wave of whatever goes down in the apocalypse. I’m living near the center of a fairly large city, so I really don’t stand much of a chance making it through the first wave of death.

    What surprises me is that people are aghast when I tell them I expect to die in the apocalypse. Apparently they haven’t really conceptualized what the word “apocalypse” means. Basically, the very premise of an apocalyptic situation is that most everyone dies. I’m playing the odds on this one and just assuming I’m going to be among the majority of people who don’t make it if and when the world comes to an end.

    And really, I’m not so sure I’d even want to survive and have to eek out an existence in a post-apocalyptic dystopia.

    • What surprises me is that people are aghast when I tell them I expect to die in the apocalypse.

      Er, by that I mean IF the apocalypse happens when I’m alive. I don’t have any preconceptions about how or when I’ll die, just that it’ll happen eventually and I’ll be there to see it.

  5. So is he working on plan B that includes guns and armour? 🙂

  6. archedeyebrows

    Taco, I’m with you on that one. I have asked those questions many times…1) why do you think you (out of everyone) will be the one to survive and 2) why ever would you want to?


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