Say Hello To My Leeetle Frenn……

….the USPS – that’s “US Postal Service” for those of you in Guatemala.

We have a fantastic service called “Hold Mail”.

It means the post office will hold your mail for up to 30 days when you are gone from home, and then deliver the held mail on a specified day when you return.

It’s so convenient, except when it’s not.

Then, it’s frustrating and hilarious…or hilariously frustrating, or frustratingly hilarious, or all of the above.

My “Hold Mail” was scheduled to end on July 9th, and the carrier to deliver all the held mail on…guess when?

July 9th, right.

It’s July 11th and no mail.

I called the friendly USPS customer service line and was informed they’d  “…open an investigation into this matter…”

I felt like I was trapped in a CSI:Myhometown episode.

USPS:  When did you begin the hold mail?

ME:  On June 25th

USPS: When did you end the hold mail?

ME: On July 9th

USPS: Have you received any mail?

ME: Yes, just July 9th and 10th…but…

USPS: So, your held mail has not been delivered.

ME: Correct

USPS: Please hold while I launch an investigation.

*lousy muzak plays*

USPS: Do you have a pen?

ME: Yes

USPS: Write down this case number – XXXYUYYblah, blah, blah

ME: Got it

USPS: Someone will contact you within 24 hours.

ME: Do I need a password or something?

USPS: Wha..?

ME: Never mind.

Later that day…my phone rings…

ME: Hello.

Local Post Office:  I’m calling about your “Hold Mail”.

ME: Yes?

LPO: It seems your carrier is out on vacation and the temp must not know what to do.

ME: You mean he/she doesn’t understand the concept of delivering mail?

LPO: Well, there’s a lot of it and you have a package.

ME: Yes, and our parcel boxes are COMPLETELY empty and have been for the last two days.

LPO: Well…ummm….your regular carrier…

ME: You already said that.

LPO: *nervous laugh* Yes, well I guess we could deliver it today…later..or tomorrow?

ME: Today.

LPO: Okay, and you say your parcel boxes are…

ME: Empty!

LPO: Okay, I’ll have the carrier bring it out.

ME: Are you sure he/she understands the concept?

LPO: *nervous laugh* Yes, ma’am.

ME: Good, because I could explain it to him/her…

LPO: *sounding agitated now* No, that won’t be necessary.

ME: Fine.

That, my friends is your tax dollars at work.   Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

Posted on July 12, 2012, in Maybe I'm The Only One Who Thinks This Is Funny, Random Crap, Things That Annoy, What the flippity-flop? and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Please remember that it is part of the “Civil Service”, so the government set it up. Efficiency and getting things right have never been government priorities 😀

    • Yes, and right now my tolerance for suffering fools is at less than zero.

      I got my mail, and holy shit I could hold the entire bundle in ONE hand…and I have small arthritic hands. What a bunch of lazy twits we have working my LPO.

  2. I don’t even bother with asking mine to hold my mail; it takes that long to get to me anyway. I live in a suburban area just outside the city limits. They have no deliverymen on staff, so I have to go and collect it. I live within walking distance of it, but since they open after I leave for work, are closed by the time I get back home and aren’t open on Saturdays, my mail automatically gets held.


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