Daily Archives: November 29, 2012

Whozeewatsits

I’m just terrible at remembering names.

Names of people and names of things.

If you are ever introduced to me, and I don’t quickly grasp your name, you will be christened with some nickname I’ve created using what probably, sorta, sounds like your real name.

Take Richard Bottondorfer.  I was introduced to him at work when he came to do some contract technical writing, and that last name sent my brain circuits into a whatwasthathejustsaidiwillneverrememberthat moment.

So, Richard got a nickname.  I called him “Buttercup”.    I guess I could have called him Richard, but where’s the fun in that?  At first, this stately gentleman was none too thrilled with it and I was told to tone it down.  So, I did.   

Then, one day I called his office and when he saw my name come up on his display he answered the phone with, “This is Buttercup.”

Apparently, he decided he liked that nickname after all.

I give other people nicknames based on personality traits or looks or just because something about that person reminds me of something else.

There was ‘Shrek’, who got his name the day he walked into my office wearing a bright green polo shirt.

There’s “Baby Jesus”, a fellow employee who looks just like every picture of Jesus I’ve ever seen…only he’s younger, hence the “baby” part.

“Tater Head” was a bald co-worker with ginormous ears.

“Crash”, because he totaled a car and his motorcycle in the same month.

My husband, a whiz at face-recognition, is similarly afflicted.  Only what he does is thoroughly mix and mash names.  For instance, if I introduce him to Mary White and Jim Smith he might call them Jim Mary and White Smith or Mary Jim and Smith White, or…well you get the idea.

He also does this with food names.    If he can’t pronounce something a) he doesn’t trust eating it and b) he makes up some name for it.   When I told him caviar is often referred to as “beluga” he translated that to “balloon eggs”…still cracks me up.

Even simple things he will sometimes forget the name of or make-up one he likes better.

Case in point is the McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish sammich.  Mmmmm…yummy processed and deep-fried rectangles of questionable content.   He calls them the “Fish-o-Matic”, which is funny enough but was downright gut-busting the time he went to Mickey D’s drive-through and ordered it that way. 

Order Taker:  “Welcome to McDonald’s. How may I help you?”

Hubby: “Yeah, I’ll take the fish-o-matic, fries and a vanilla shake.”

*crickets*

I realized what he said, and started to giggle.

Hubby: “What?”

Me: “You called it a ‘fish-o-matic’”

Hubby: “No, I didn’t”

Me: *giggling*

Order Taker:  “Sir, could you repeat that?  I don’t think we have a fishelmatic.”

Me: *guffawing*

Hubby:  “I said fish-o—-shit! Sorry.  I meant a fish (turns to me) – what’s it called?”

Me: “Filet-o-fish”

Hubby: “Okay, a filet of fish-o-matic.”  *starts laughing*

Order Taker: “Please drive up to the window to complete your order.”

Some people have no sense of humor.