FIRE!!!!!! WHA – ????

It’s 3:00 a.m., and the doorbell rings.

It rings again, and as hubby sleepily asks “Who’s at the door at this time of night?”, you realize it’s your phone’s ringtone you’re hearing and you tell hubby – “No one, silly, but baby girl is calling.”

By this time, you’ve missed the call so you drag your still half-sleeping arse out of bed and hit redial.

“Mom, are fireplaces supposed to be 24 hours?”

And as your brain goes from sleepy haze to adrenalin rushed you realize….

…you, my friend, have entered…the Panic Zone…duh..dun…DUNNNNNNNNN!


“I’m here and the place is dark and no cars are in the parking lot.”

Oh, fire station…fire station…she meant fire station….sigh, okay heart slow down their house is not on fire….

“Umm…yeah, pretty sure it’s a 24/7 operation at a fire station, honey.”

“Yeah, well NO ONE is here!”

“Wait…why are you there?”

“The baby…she’s sick and having trouble breathing and I want them to check her vitals and her pulse ox and make sure she’s okay and I don’t need to go to the ER with her.”

“Oh…well…..wait, in Smallville isn’t the fire department volunteer?”

“I don’t know, maybe.  But I left Smallville and am now in the parking lot of Muchlargerville’s main fireplace and there’s still no one around.”

“Well, they are on 24 hr shifts so maybe they’re asleep.  Did you check through the bay doors for lights on?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing.”

“Okay, well call the non-emergency dispatch number for Muchlargerville and tell them…”

“The what?” 

“Non-emergency dispatch number for police and fire.  Every town has one.”

“I’m not gonna do that.”


“Because it’s stupid.  You know what? I’m just gonna go back home.”

I could tell baby girl was exhausted and frustrated by this time.

“Okay, but is the baby breathing alright?”

“Well, she’s not blue or anything.  She’s just laboring.”

“Maybe you should – “

“Mom, that’s hubby on the other line.  I’ll call you back.”

That was five hours ago.

No more sleep for Mom, no more sleep for Dad.  No word on the baby, yet.

Oh look, there’s gray hair #2,365.

Posted on January 3, 2013, in In All Seriousness, Posts and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. We’ve been to the ER twice with Tron. Both times it turned out to be unnecessary, but honestly I’d rather spend my co-pay making sure then to regret not doing it.

    The first time was for when he was inconsolably crying/screaming for about 5 hours (We read the pamphlet saying that anything longer than 2 hours was a potential sign of illness). We pack him up to the ER. As soon as we get there, he calms down and is a happy baby. He gets a full check-up and is deemed healthy, and two over-bearing parents are given the “thanks for wasting our time” look. We get him home and as soon as I put him down on the floor (he was crawling) he wails for another hour before suddenly being perfectly fine and playing with some toys until bedtime.

    24 hours later, Tron broke out into a full-body rash. We called the pediatrician about that and she tells us: “Oh he probably had a virus or something. Babies will often break out in a huge rash after being sick. Did he seem unwell any time in the last few days?”

    Yeah. So much for being crazy parents.

    The other time was when Tron walked up to me with a mouth full of rusted metal shards that had washed out of our pool filter motor. You think you clean something up well enough, but a toddler can find the littlest thing and turn it into an ER visit.

    Luckily, if he did swallow any of it, the pieces weren’t big enough to show up on an X-ray.

    • Taco – I tell my kids to trust their instincts, and screw the condescension from the medical profession. My oldest daughter is as fierce as any not.a.lion I’ve ever seen when it comes to her kids being sick. That’s because her oldest has severe asthma and an allergy to peanuts that astonishes even the most seasoned professionals. And yet she still has to fight with doctors sometimes to get them to do what she knows needs to be done.

  2. This. This is why I give my children the evil eye when, oh so innocently, they ask why I say I have earned my silver hair. Every.Single.One.

    And why I laugh maniacally each time one of my children gives birth.

    Happy New Year!

  3. I hope you’ve had GOOD news since you last commented here CJ. Prayers being said, virtual hugs on the way too.


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