Yes, I Realize Valentine’s Day Was Last Week
But, if you had any idea what kind of week last week was for me, you wouldn’t be making such a big deal about my missing Valentine’s Day right now.
For that matter, if you knew how I really feel about Valentine’s Day we wouldn’t even be discussing it. We’d be talking about the dynamic synergies of post-modern banjos instead, because that would be far less controversial.
Yes, I said ‘controversial’.
I hate Valentine’s Day.
Let me ‘splain.
When I was a kid I remember having Valentine’s Day parties at school. We’d all bring decorated shoeboxes with little cutouts in the tops and set them on our desks.
At the appointed hour, we’d go around the room dropping our handwritten Valentines in the boxes of our classmates – always reserving the fanciest ones, with all the glitter on them, for our super-not-so-secret crush.
Then the teacher would pass out the heart-shaped candies, cookies, and cupcakes with red icing on it that wound up on your face, hands, and clothes. Every. Time.
It was fun. Lots of fun.
I carried on this tradition with my children, until it wasn’t a ‘thing’ anymore and just like that one more party in school went ‘pfffffffft’.
C’est le vie.
We still had Valentines and cupcakes at home.
Then one day about ten years ago, and my kids had long since grown out of Mom’s Valentine’s Day celebration and onto their own, I happened to be at the store on Valentine’s Day.
I was getting ready to check out in the Express Lane (no more than 15 items, and God help you if you accidentally overlooked that lone lemon in the bottom of your cart which put you firmly at 16 items as the jackass behind you will LOUDLY proclaim), when I noticed a long, long, long line in front of me.
Everyone in the line was male. Each was holding flowers, candy, and cards…in some combination – many with all three.
Every one of them looked sad, depressed and anxious….as if they were in line for vasectomies, not simply to pay for the undying expressions of love they held.
That was when it hit me.
Valentine’s Day is one of those Hallmark holidays, made up to make men feel guilty and women entitled.
From that day on, I told my husband that if he wanted to give me a card or flowers or candy he better NOT do it on February 14th. Do it on the 13th, the 15th, or even not at all…just take out the garbage without my asking. That tells me more about how you feel than any pre-packaged, wrapped in hearts and flowers, sentiment just waiting for you to pay more than it’s worth at the local store does.
It’s been freeing, if sometimes awkward when someone asks me what I ‘got’ for Valentine’s Day and I launch into my tirade about how I hate that day – incidentally, they don’t ask how I feel about too many things after that, so it’s a win!win! for me.
And you know what? My hubby empties the garbage without my asking a lot more nowadays, too. Now that, my friends, is romantic.
Posted on February 18, 2013, in Awesomesauce, In All Seriousness, Posts, Random Crap, Things That Annoy, Things That Will Piss You Off and tagged awesomesauce, not funny, post, random, stoopid hoomin, woman. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.