Monthly Archives: April 2013

There Are Forces At Work Here, I’m Convinced of It

Not only am I now awaiting my THIRD “Supernatural: Third Season, Disc 2” to arrive from Blockbuster – the first two having been broken in half when I got them, and now I’m wondering what supernatural forces are working to keep me from seeing this particular batch of episodes.

BUT…

I also got this cryptic message from my e-mail Nazis at work.

[SUSPICIOUS MESSAGE] Pocket Devotions, day 478: A Hero’s Life

See the day?  This is the 478th day I’ve received a Biblical message in my Inbox and today, of all days, it’s deemed ‘suspicious’.

There are forces at work here, I’m tellin’ ya.

The cosmos is fecking with my mind.

No, Really, Y’all Need One of These…

…if you work in an office, that is.

Or, maybe you just like to keep things interesting.

And, by interesting I mean freak-people-the-hell-out with your lunchbag.

You need this shit, y’all.

 

Remember the Kitchenaid Incident?

And when I told you about my lifelong love affair with a mixer?

Yeah, well last week this happened in my kitchen.

mixer

 

Miss Belle, Everyone.

Everyone, Miss Belle.

She’s was waiting for me when I got home from work one day last week.  A surprise from my husband. 

I’m in love.

Sunday I made an apple-spice cake with cream cheese frosting with Miss Belle, and it was yummy, moist, gooey and delish. 

I think Miss Belle and I will be very happy together, and I know my husband spoils me absolutely rotten.   I’m a lucky gal.

I Really Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Go Places Alone

I’m kinda/sorta/maybe in the market to replace the 8-yr. old 165K miles-on-it car that I really do like.   It’s just starting to have ‘issues’, and much as I hate break-ups I hate breakdowns even more.

Besides, at my age, my ass/back needs something comfy to sit in when I drive.  And with the elebenty-hunnert grandchildren around these days we need something larger.

After much looking around the ‘Net I decided I want a Chevy Traverse.   Hubby is underwhelmed at the idea of getting into payments again, so he has thus far refrained from shopping or test-driving.

I blame him for what happened Tuesday.

I found a very nice-looking Traverse with low mileage and a great price at a dealership near my house, so I decided to go by there and test drive it on my way home.

I’ve always been one to engage in the idle chatter that a used-car salesman will instigate the minute you get inside the vehicle for the test.  This time I was tired, and I was trying to get a feel/listen to the Traverse, so I was silent.

ChattyBoy was not…so, he only has himself to blame for this:

ChattyBoy (CB):  This is a nice vehicle, isn’t it?  And you just never, ever find one for under $20K anywhere. Not ever.

ME: *silent as I’m navigating the turns out of the parking lot onto the street, but I notice there’s something ‘off’ about this vehicle*

CB: Nosiree, never one this low-priced.  And…umm…it’s really nice, not scratches, no dings…..

ME: *except the scratched-to-hell inside of the back hatch door, and the chunk missing from one of the third-row seat backs and there’s something wrong with the way this thing handles*

CB: …and an exceptionally nice ride, for what’s basically a large SUV…handles pretty well, doesn’t it? And, the price! Can you believe it?  Did I mention it’s also a ‘Certified’ vehicle? Yep, it goes through a 177 point inspection.  All that for a remarkable price.  So, what’s your budget?

ME: *finally speaking* I don’t have a set budget, it depends on the vehicle and there’s something really wrong with the suspension or else one of the right-side tires is in the shape of a football.

CB: *after a few seconds* You may be right.

ME: 177 point inspection? Really?

CB: *beaming*Yep, it’s got an extended warranty and it’s Certified.

ME: 177 points, and yet the mechanics missed the fact that one of tires may be in the shape of a football…or, there’s something much larger going on and that’s a big problem.

CB: *nervous laughter* Yeah, sometimes I wonder where the mechanic’s heads are at.

ME:  So, if they missed this big a problem, what kind of confidence can I have that any of the other 177 points were addressed?

CB: *silence*

ME *on a roll now* And while we are at it, I’ve seen plenty of vehicles at or below this one’s price.

CB: Really? Where?

ME: At other-much-larger-dealership nearby.

CB: *sulking* Well, yeah..but they do a huge volume…

ME: Look, bud, you’re the one going on and on about pricing…and you know what? I wouldn’t pay that for this vehicle. It’s beat to hell, drives like it’s run the Baja, and is the most vanilla version of a Traverse.

By this time we were back at the dealership and he almost waited for the car to stop completely before getting out.

I walked into the showroom with him as he kept apologizing for the lousy condition of the car and promising it would get fixed.

CB: So, if we fix the problems, how much would you be willing to pay?

ME: No more than $13K (the sticker was $16.5K)…and I mean not a penny more.

CB:  *looking crestfallen* I’ll call you.

ME: Yeah, you do that.

As I left I realized I’d just come across as the biggest bitch on the planet, and I also realized I don’t give a shit.   I’m there to spend money, my money, and it’s going to be on my terms.

But, I have to admit I’d of been a lot less bitchy if hubby had gone with.   He’s the voice-of-reason, and my warrior and protector.  ChattyBoy wouldn’t have tried so hard after Hubby gave him that sideways glance the first time the car wonky-wooed to the right.

I told hubby about my adventure when I got home and his only response was, “You really shouldn’t be allowed to go places alone.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

More People Should Be Like This Guy

From the SPAM comments:

“This tidings requires knowledgeable definition and is intended for the most part fitted profit by close to health mind a look after workers and facilities/organizations providing haleness disquiet including pharmacies, hospitals, long-term heed facilities, community-based well-being regard ritual providers and pre-hospital danger services”

Frankly, I think we need more people like this on the ‘Net.   Able to provide clear, concise, and well-thought out commentary.

I, for one, feel totally enlightened.

Thank you, Mr. Spambottalksalot.

 

No Words

Just prayer…for Boston…for the USA…for a world gone mad…

child praying

If He’s This Quick at Five…

…hoo boy, my daughter is in for an interesting time with this boy.

Remember the 5-yr. old grandson I told you about who hurt his junk-junk?

Well, Sunday was his sister’s 8th birthday and she got a Lego set featuring princesses and a pool and playground.  Apparently, it’s made up of elebenty-hunnert little pieces just waiting to make painful introductions to the bottoms of bare feet.

It was a big hit with the crowd, but went unopened as cake waited in the next room and it wasn’t going to eat itself.

As my daughter went to clean up the remains of wrapping paper and bags and stuff left after the present-opening carnage, the 5-yr. old walked up to her holding the Lego treasure in his hands.

Son: Mama?

Daughter: No, don’t open it. That’s sissy’s.

Son: I know, but I want to build it for sissy. (insert large grin here)

Lost in translation here was the momentary pause between daughter’s statement and her son’s reply.   In that pause, I watched his little brain clicking away trying to find the right combination that would let him open and play with his sister’s gift all while making it look like doing so was a selfless sacrifice on his part.

He’s adorable. And dangerous. But, mostly adorable.

This could get interesting.

What the what, what?

Anybody get the number of that truck what ran over my head Tuesday morning and gave me a TWO DAY migraine?

No,  it had to be a truck.  My neck/back/shoulders feel like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson….*feels for ears*…umm..pre-crazy Mike Tyson.

I hate when I get a migraine, but day-ummm…two days?? Really?  They usually only last a few hours to a day at most.

And I still have a headache….just more of a dull throb now.

It’s complicated, the ‘why’ of it all, but in a nutshell one of my ruptured discs is in the first cervical spine joint, so when that one presses on some nerve in there BAM! I get a migraine.

I’ll be back, eventually…I was awarded a “Liebster Award” last week and I still haven’t written the post about it.  But I will.

 

Practically Perfect People are Perfectly Positioned Precisely

And that title has nothing much to do with today’s post – except I’m in a “Mary Poppins” state of mind.

I got this from the latest scammer the other day:

Dear Email user,

 

We would like to inform you that we are currently carrying out scheduled maintenance and upgrade of our Email service and as a result of this our Email client has been changed and your original password will reset. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

 

To maintain your Email account, you must reply to this Email immediately and enter your current Password here

(                              ) Failure to comply will lead to the

termination of your Email Account.

Warning Code: 11XXTT8765

 

@Email ACCOUNT SUPPORT TEAM”.

©Email ACCOUNT ABN 31 0822 3766 504 All Rights Reserved.

Admin Team.

 

 

 

This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.

To which I replied:

Dear Email user,

 

We would like to inform you that we are currently carrying out scheduled maintenance and upgrade of our Email service and as a result of this our Email client has been changed and your original password will reset. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

 

To maintain your Email account, you must reply to this Email immediately and enter your current Password here

supercalifragilisticexpiealliedociouseventhoughthesoundofitissomethingquite

atrociousifyousayitloudenoughyoullalwayssoundprecocioussupercalifragilisticexpiealliedocious ) Failure to comply will lead to the

termination of your Email Account.

Warning Code: 11XXTT8765

 

@Email ACCOUNT SUPPORT TEAM”.

©Email ACCOUNT ABN 31 0822 3766 504 All Rights Reserved.

Admin Team.

 

 

 

This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.

And I can just see the “Admin Team” sitting behind a glowy box and meticulously typing out that ‘password’ to hack into one of my e-mail accounts.  

Yes, I can just imagine….

Yuri:  It is a long password, Comrade Vlad

Vlad: It is indeed, Yuri, there must be valuable information to be had once we attain the many accesses.

Yuri: S-U-P-E…..almost there….R-C…

*Vlad slaps his hands together as Yuri completes the entry and clicks “Login”*

Incorrect Password or User I.D.

Please be sure your caps lock is not on and try again.

Yuri: *sighs* S-U-P-E…what the hell kind of password is this anyway, Vlad?

Vlad: I do not know, Yuri, but these Americans think they are so smart and here we obtained this magnificence with a simple request! Now keep typing!

Yuri: Okay. R…C…A….

*time passes as Yuri carefully types the password again and clicks “Login”*

Incorrect Password or User I.D.

Please be sure your caps lock is not on and try again.

 Yuri: Dammit!  More vodka!

*Vlad hands Yuri the vodka bottle and soon all else is forgotten as the next round is passed and the two men trade stories of  simpler password times*

Yuri: *slurring his speech* Tomorrow, Vlad, tomorrow we try again.

Vlad: BURRRRRRRRRRRP!

And again an American has defeated an Eastern Bloc attempt to hack into her e-mail account and find out her many secrets – she needs breast/penis/lip enlargements and her mortgage interest rate is waaaaaaaaay too high.

Whew! The world is safe for democracy…for at least until the vodka wears off.

 

But, But, I Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaant One

I remember watching my grandma’s fancy stand mixer turn out amazing breads, cakes and pies.  I’d stand on a chair mesmerized by the constant motion and *whirr*whirr* sound it made. 

It was thirty pounds of metal and white porcelain, a Kitchenaid by Hobart, and it was magical.

I grew up and in my poverty frugality decided I could make do with a $10 hand mixer.

The Kitchenaid was never far from my mind, though.

Recently we finally paid off the grocery debts from feeding four teenagers for…umm…ever, and now visions of a pretty butteryummy yellow Kitchenaid stand mixer have been dancing in my head.

Naturally, I posed the question of getting one to my husband.

Hubby:  How much does one of those cost?

Me: Oh, three-hundred something.

Hubby: *gasps*chokes* WHAT?

Me: Are you okay?

Hubby: Yes, I just could have sworn you said you wanted to spend $300 on a mixer.

Me: I did.

Hubby: Are you completely insane?

Me: Yes, but what does that have to do with a mixer?

Hubby: No, I mean are you insane enough to think I’d agree to spending $300 on a mixer?

Me: *blink*blink*

And so began hubby’s endless pursuit to convince me that at $350 (as I later found out) no mixer is worth it, unless it churns out real fecking gold…by the pound.

He dug through every post, review, sale, and blurb he could about the Kitchenaid Stand Mixer. 

He found it.

Apparently, when the Hobart Corporation sold it’s interest in the Kitchenaid mixer (and other items), to Whirlpool Corporation in the 1980’s something happened.  And it wasn’t a good thing.

What had once been a damn-near indestructible hunk of metal and porcelain was now metal and plastic/nylon – specifically the gears – and that means it breaks.

A lot.

When Hubby told me this, I had to concede that if I was going to by a stand mixer with a limited life I could buy a $100 one and be just as happy, and less likely to get stabbity when it does break, than I would be if I spent $350.

So, another sweet childhood memory and lifelong dream bites the dust.

Dammit.

Unless………I think I’ll see if Ican convince Hubby to put as much effort into finding a vintage working Kitchenaid stand mixer as he did in finding a reason not to buy a new one.