Been A Rough Week
I don’t suffer from depression.
At least, not on a regular basis.
And, there’s always a catalyst for my blue episodes. I don’t just wake up one morning and have no desire for…anything.
This week has been difficult, and the difficult is getting more difficult.
A year ago, tomorrow, my daddy died.
He didn’t die pretty, he didn’t die peaceful.
It was a death that followed two solid weeks of pain and sickness.
Of 104 fevers, of organ failure, fluid build-up, pain so intense that they couldn’t give him enough morphine to completely block it, and finally he drowned in his own fluids as he lay in a completely clean and dry hospital bed.
And I watched, helpless.
It was an emotionally agonizing time for me, and I really thought I was better…then the past week happened, and it’s as if the year before the past week never happened.
I’m right back there, holding Daddy’s hand and whispering to him that he could let go, that we’d be fine and that his father, mother, sister, and brothers waited for him on the other side.
I wasn’t there when he took his last breath, and for that I’m grateful. I had borne enough pain and I couldn’t watch any more.
In fact, I think Daddy waited until he was alone to finally go home. The chaplain called me at 2:00 AM, and my first words upon hearing the news were “Thank God, he’s free at last.”
I don’t know how many more anniversaries will be hard on me, but I think this one is the hardest.
I’m taking a few days off, and letting go.
Y’all mind the store while I’m gone, okay? Thanks.