Daily Archives: June 16, 2014

Karma’s a Bitch with a Mallet

We had a big Father’s Day barbecue at the awesomesauciness house on Sunday.

(big shout out – late of course – to all you Daddies out there – WOOT!!)

Anyway, oldest daughter, K, is the liberal in the family and not at all cool with guns.

Especially in the hands of her 6-yr. old son, Little J.

Let me explain.

It was an ‘airsoft’ gun.  You know the kind that shoots tiny plastic pellets?  Yeah, one of those had been given to his 7-yr. old cousin, W, and Little J was beside himself with anticipation and glee at the prospect of shooting some cans out of the trees out back.

Until K stepped in and pitched a hissy fit, “NO 6-yr. old NEEDS TO HAVE A GUN IN THEIR HANDS, I DON’T CARE IF IT IS NOT REAL.”

Big J, (K’s hubby and Little J’s daddy) quickly decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and ate ice cream.

In fact, most of us ate some of the homemade ice cream I’d made for the occasion.

While we were doing that, K went outside and set up the croquet set bent on teaching her son a more genteel way of playing with his cousin, W.

Little J did not get the ‘genteel’ part of the memo, and deciding a croquet mallet required a massive backswing, swung the mallet back in preparation for a shot and made direct contact with W’s eye, leaving an impressive shiner that we assured W the “chicks will dig”…even though, at seven, it’s not a thing for him, he was still gratified to know this.

K applied ice, kept apologizing, and administered many auntie kisses to W.

Big J, seizing the opportunity, took Little J outside where he proceeded to teach him the finer points of aiming an airsoft rifle at a non-human target and plinking the hell out of it.

Much rejoicing ensued, and K sat inside tight-lipped, until I said this…

“So, to recap here, K, it appears that whilst trying to protect the kids from the big, bad, gun you did, in fact, cause injury to W by placing a croquet mallet in the hands of a 6-yr. old that sees everything as a weapon.”


“And, has anyone been hurt by the airsoft gun?”


“I rest my case.”