Monthly Archives: October 2015
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who love ALL THE HALLOWEEN THINGS, and those who listen to One Direction.
I’m of the former.
This year All Hallows E’en falls on a Saturday. This is like being told you just won the lottery and your check will be delivered by a half-naked Jensen Ackels.
Preparations for this year’s festivities have been going on in the family for weeks. Make-up effects have been tested, costumes have been purchased, tried on, altered, and provided the correct accoutrement – be it badassery or cute – to enhance the experience.
I usually dress as either a witch or vampiress. The makeup is the same for both, as is the hair, just the dress changes and the hat. What’s a witch without a hat, I ask you?
This year, in his grandfather-ly exuberance, the hubby has told ALL THE KIDS that we will attend their festivities. These kids do not all live together in a big commune. They’re separated by miles and miles.
Sometimes, he doesn’t think things through.
So, I’m forgoing a costume this year, given the fact that I’ll be in and out of cars and houses and running up and down streets with mass quantities of urchins following me.
Except, I have a Black Widow t-shirt so if I can find my black sweat pants I’ll be going as Natasha Romanoff, post workout. I’ll even pull my hair back, add a bandana and scrub the make up off. I may even add my weighlifting gloves just so it looks legit. If I can find them. Not that I don’t weighlift, I’m just so much a badass I don’t wear gloves, bitches.
And WordPress insists that Halloween, accoutrements, Ackels, and badassery are all a) not words and b) incorrectly spelled not-words.
I’ll give them all the above, so long as I can keep the Ackels. Eff you WordPress, he’s mine.
I pride myself on always being prepared for pretty much every scenario.
Lock yourself out of the house? I’ve got keys hidden all over the place. Same thing for my office building. Keys. Everywhere.
Rip your breeches or lose a button? I carry a mini-sewing kit.
Earache? I have drops for that.
Nausea? Intestinal distress? Headache? Got, have, and got.
My purse is a veritable Mary Poppins replica.
But, what happened to the lawyer last week….well, let’s just say that nothing in my purse could have helped.
I work in a really beautiful setting. My office building sits on the edge of a lake, the parking lot being the only thing between me and the water.
Last week we had a team of auditors, and attorneys, come visit us to check out our environmental programs and permits. It’s all part of the game when you generate power.
The littlest of the attorneys was all of five foot tall, but her three inch heels made her seem much bigger. That and her incredibly fast mode of speech. I swear, in all my life, I’ve never, ever heard anyone say so much so fast. And I understood every word. Once she was done, it was all I could do not to stand up and applaud. She was impressive.
During a break she got a phone call and headed outside to – I presume – have some privacy.
She walked to the parking lot, and towards the steep incline heading down to the lake.
You know that feeling you get when something really awful is about to happen, and you’re watching it, and you are powerless to do anything about it?
She was animatedly chatting a mile-a-minute on the phone and aimlessly wandering closer and closer to the water.
Then, the inevitable happened.
Her heel caught in the grass and she went Pradas over Marc Jacobs suit, tumbling down the hill.
I really wanted to laugh, but I was truly concerned she’d not stop before the water, so I ran towards her instead.
About the time I reached the top of the hill, I looked down and she had righted herself, stood up, and was still talking on the phone.
That woman, right there, is a badass. I’m glad she’s on our side.