Daily Archives: November 24, 2015
I didn’t hear the coffeemaker’s distinct ‘beep – beep – beep’ this morning as I rose from my warm bed to a cold house at 3:30 a.m.
You read that right, I get up every working morning at 3:30 a.m.
Why? Because I live in Texas, specifically the Dallas area, and everyone north of the Red River is migrating this way…right now. This means our roads are about twenty years behind the growth. So, in order to actually get to work in the morning I have to leave my house at the same time most farmers are milking their cows, or whatever it is that farmers do before sunup.
But, I digress.
The coffeemaker didn’t do it’s ONE JOB this morning. It has ONE JOB, and it’s ONE JOB keeps me from killing people every day.
It just quit on me. Today. Just like that..I was dumped by a coffeemaker. The lights were on, it was making all the appropriate noises, but the water wasn’t going from there to there to make the magic happen.
“Coffeemaker quit!” I shouted to hubby who came dashing into the kitchen and stared from me to the machine, mouth agape. Obviously, this is not a scenario for which he was prepared. Neither was I for that matter
“No coffee? NO COFFEE?” He said, growing alarmed and annoyed.
“Nope.” I replied, edgy myself. “I’ll get one on the way home.”
“You might ought to get two.” He grinned at me and for a moment it made sense, but then realizing they aren’t cheap I just shook my head at him, “Go get ready for work.” I said.
Grumbling, and groggy, I proceeded to get things ready for the lunches I pack for hubby and me every day. Today’s lunch included pickles. We eat a lot of dill pickles in my house. They’re an excellent, low-calorie, snack so I buy the big jars.
I got the jar I’d purchased the day before out of the fridge and proceeded to open it.
I don’t know what happened, I blame it on the lack of caffeine, but the next thing I know I’ve got pickle juice all over me, the counter, and dripping onto the floor.
That shit stinks. And it especially stinks when it’s all over the counters, floor, you. Trust me on this, no need to verify. You’re welcome.
I got that cleaned up, and then left for work, WITHOUT MY COFFEE.
As I was driving I remembered my Starbucks gift card and thought there was a silver cloud to this lining after all.
I ordered my skinny vanilla latte at the drive-thru, and told the barista I had my own cup so I didn’t need a Satan Sipper for my life-giving hot beverage.
I get my coffee, carefully maneuvering the 20 oz. mug through my open window without spilling a single drop. Maybe wearing a white shirt wasn’t such a bad idea after all, I think as I pull away from the window, and forgetting about the ginormous holes in the road due to construction I hit one, and the coffee in my hand confirms two things – 1. It’s really, really, really hot and 2. I’m never wearing white again.