Four Times

It was only four times yesterday I thought to myself that I needed to call and check on Mom.

That’s down from five times last Monday.

It’s been a month. Holy shit.

I can’t bring myself to even open the big pouch from the funeral home.  It has all the acknowledgement cards, the guest book, and all that shit I need to send thank yous to the people who came or sent flowers, or baked pound cake (which I may, or may not, have eaten every last morsel of).

For now, it sits on the floor of my room…my she-cave…the one room in my house filled with just me stuff.  It’s judging me for being so damned intimidated by a friggin’ leather pouch, and probably fake leather at that, isn’t it?

This will get easier, right?

Posted on May 24, 2016, in In All Seriousness, Sigh and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Dunno, ask me again in another 37 years.

  2. My mom died 3 years ago. About one year ago I read the things people had sent in my Facebook inbox. They were sweet and wonderful and I answered a year later. Just breathe, take care of you. No one needs or expects a thank you. Let the fog lift.

  3. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been going through lately. I hope you’re starting to feel better from the accident. The emotional part…the part about losing your mom? I just hope you are able to figure out your balance soon.

  4. Anyone and everyone who has attempted any kind of contribution to your grieving process expects NOTHING from you, if they have EVER grieved themselves.

    You should definitely eat all the pound cake and whatever. WHEN you’re ready to send individual Thank You’s, you will. Please don’t attempt to shame yourself into any “shoulds”.

    Just grieve; just live; just breathe.

    We, your #Tribe, are here for you. I know this loss is different/more difficult than the loss of your father. I wasn’t here for that loss; but I remember my own loss of my Mommy, so I know You Know. You do whatcha gotta do.

    Let us know when you need us.


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