Things That Freak Me Right The Hell Out

We all have them, the things that you see or do or see others doing that freak you right. the hell. out.

Here’s a partial list of mine:

1.Getting a text from my dentist’s office about how excited they are to see me on such and such date.  Really? You look forward to inflicting pain?  Dentists are freakishly weird.

2. Having the vet’s office ask me which of my “kids” or “babies” I’m calling about, AND when I’m there and go into an exam room, they announce that so-and-so’s “mommy” is waiting in such-and-such room.  I’m pretty sure mating with animals is illegal…wait, it’s still illegal to mate with critters, right?  Tell me I’m right. PLEASE. Because, if it’s not then I’ve crossed over from freaked to full-on fecked up.

4. I skipped 3.

5. You just went back to look.

6. Drones.  I actually swatted at my hair the other night, thinking the drone overhead      was a swarm of bees trying to kill me.  In my defense, it was my first droney-bee           encounter, and it was high enough above me that I missed. Dammit.

7. My frat-boy neighbors, a/k/a  The Dronemasters.  They NEVER sleep. Never.  Go to       bed at midnight?  They’re up.  Get up at 2:00 a.m.?  They’re up.  4:00 a.m.? They’re             up! They do this every night, then all their vehicles leave during the day.  I think       they’re vampires…and now I’m really freaked out.  And lest you think I’m that             neighbor peering out my windows at the frat boys, may I remind you that I can’t see their house from the only window I have that faces them.  I have to go outside to verify this.  I’m just looking out for you.  You’re welcome.

So, what freaks you right-the-hell-out?

Posted on August 3, 2016, in Awesomesauce, I May Have a Problem Here, seriously?, Things That Annoy and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I have 3 dogs. The dachshund is getting old and I’m sure he hears things that aren’t there, so he barks at nothing all the time. The male pibble will bark if he hears the neighbor’s dog bark. The female pibble is the quiet, lazy one. It freaks me right the hell out when she sits at the door the garage, staring intently with her ears perked forward as though she has heard something but won’t announce it. If I’m home alone, that’s when the pibbles and I get the gun and hunker down.

    • Oh sweet clothespin jeebus! That would freak me out. And it does when my sweet ninja-puppy heads toward the door, head low, growling, as she’s done on a few occasions. Fecking scary shit right there. I always head for the .357 and wait with her until whatever threat she perceived passes. Invariably, this happens early in the morning after the hubby is gone to work. There’s other things she, and Bugsy the Insane, have done like that. I think dogs and cats are freaky in their own right. I could (and probably will) devote an entire post to that subject.


  3. I’m not easily freaked out, so I don’t keep track of when something does. There was an ice storm, more than a decade ago, which freaked me and then-hubby out over. We heard a heartbeat thumping from our attic. After awhile, it sounded like a squirrel skittering away, and then the heartbeat thumping would eventually return. Hubby grabbed a golf club to check for the intruder in the attic; we called the cops AND woke the neighbors, who wrre gracious enough to stand outside with us, with their Dirty Harry handguns in the pockets of their bathrobes, while the police discovered our intruder: icicles growing on the roof vent turbines, slapping the roof as the turbines spun, and breaking off when they’d grown too long. Freaked out for a good hour or more, and then just embarrassed.

  4. I am freaked out now cause the guy in the office beside me has been blowing and honking for 7 hours straight. How can someone have that much snot??? He also cannot walk without farting. He spits mouthwash into the parking lot every morning. He refuses to use a contraction when he talks “I cannot..” (why never “I can’t”? AND HE IS MARRIED TO A VERY NICE WOMAN.

  5. 1. I told a physical therapist once that if the whole therapy thing didn’t work out for her that she could look forward to a lucrative future at Gitmo.

    2. Depends on the state. Some states, apparently, don’t expressly have a law prohibiting physical animal love.

    3. About 47 pounds.

    4. I didn’t notice.

    5. Yeah, but that’s because I need to see what comes next to make my responses.

    6. To be fair, a lot of bees are drones.

    7. I have had those neighbors. I don’t now. I am lucky.

  6. i went to tuck my son in the other night… he’s ten. he whispers “daddy, there’s someone under my bed.” humoring him, i said “i’ll check, son,” and got down on my knees… i looked under the bed, and there was my son… he said, “daddy, there’s someone on my bed.”

    freaked me right the hell out.


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