Category Archives: Fun with Scammers

Really, kids?

Number 2 on the list of “top searches” that bring you kids to my site, utterly crushing your hopes of ever finding the elusive thing you seek, is this:

“we have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities”

Guess what number one is.

Yep, it’s “juke williams”.

Remember him?

What a guy.

Kids, I hate to have to be the one to break this to you…but…

 

There is no fecking ‘Juke Williams’, no bazillion dollars/dubloons/kittens just waiting for you to come and claim them.  Well, there may be a bazillion kitties, but I fail to see how that would make you rich.  That would make your house smell like a giant litterbox, and the kibble bill would be astronomical.

There is no free iPad/cell phone/rhinestone tiara/lifetime pizza giveaway, either.

Deal with it.

 

Hugs,

awesomesauciness, Crusher of Dreams and;

Dasher of Hopes

 

 

Practically Perfect People are Perfectly Positioned Precisely

And that title has nothing much to do with today’s post – except I’m in a “Mary Poppins” state of mind.

I got this from the latest scammer the other day:

Dear Email user,

 

We would like to inform you that we are currently carrying out scheduled maintenance and upgrade of our Email service and as a result of this our Email client has been changed and your original password will reset. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

 

To maintain your Email account, you must reply to this Email immediately and enter your current Password here

(                              ) Failure to comply will lead to the

termination of your Email Account.

Warning Code: 11XXTT8765

 

@Email ACCOUNT SUPPORT TEAM”.

©Email ACCOUNT ABN 31 0822 3766 504 All Rights Reserved.

Admin Team.

 

 

 

This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.

To which I replied:

Dear Email user,

 

We would like to inform you that we are currently carrying out scheduled maintenance and upgrade of our Email service and as a result of this our Email client has been changed and your original password will reset. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

 

To maintain your Email account, you must reply to this Email immediately and enter your current Password here

supercalifragilisticexpiealliedociouseventhoughthesoundofitissomethingquite

atrociousifyousayitloudenoughyoullalwayssoundprecocioussupercalifragilisticexpiealliedocious ) Failure to comply will lead to the

termination of your Email Account.

Warning Code: 11XXTT8765

 

@Email ACCOUNT SUPPORT TEAM”.

©Email ACCOUNT ABN 31 0822 3766 504 All Rights Reserved.

Admin Team.

 

 

 

This message has been scanned for viruses and dangerous content by MailScanner, and is believed to be clean.

And I can just see the “Admin Team” sitting behind a glowy box and meticulously typing out that ‘password’ to hack into one of my e-mail accounts.  

Yes, I can just imagine….

Yuri:  It is a long password, Comrade Vlad

Vlad: It is indeed, Yuri, there must be valuable information to be had once we attain the many accesses.

Yuri: S-U-P-E…..almost there….R-C…

*Vlad slaps his hands together as Yuri completes the entry and clicks “Login”*

Incorrect Password or User I.D.

Please be sure your caps lock is not on and try again.

Yuri: *sighs* S-U-P-E…what the hell kind of password is this anyway, Vlad?

Vlad: I do not know, Yuri, but these Americans think they are so smart and here we obtained this magnificence with a simple request! Now keep typing!

Yuri: Okay. R…C…A….

*time passes as Yuri carefully types the password again and clicks “Login”*

Incorrect Password or User I.D.

Please be sure your caps lock is not on and try again.

 Yuri: Dammit!  More vodka!

*Vlad hands Yuri the vodka bottle and soon all else is forgotten as the next round is passed and the two men trade stories of  simpler password times*

Yuri: *slurring his speech* Tomorrow, Vlad, tomorrow we try again.

Vlad: BURRRRRRRRRRRP!

And again an American has defeated an Eastern Bloc attempt to hack into her e-mail account and find out her many secrets – she needs breast/penis/lip enlargements and her mortgage interest rate is waaaaaaaaay too high.

Whew! The world is safe for democracy…for at least until the vodka wears off.

 

For Your Blindness………

Ima just leave you with this wall o’ text. Draw your own conclusions.  Me, I’m going with my initial reaction – that there’s a horde of cats, carrying SPAM, waiting for me at an undisclosed airport location.  I must bring CASH or those drug-addled terrorists a/k/a “cats”, will invade the residence of 3 Diplomats (apparently an obscure band I’ve never heard of – wonder if that makes me less-than-hip?) and wreak havoc, by letting slip the dogs of non-circumvention.  Now, I don’t know what any of that means, but I’m getting my torch and pitchfork mob ready because at the end of all this there just has to be a zombie mob.  There. Just. Has. To. Be.

This is an official notification of the availability of a package deposited in your name and it is not a sales solicitation or SPAM.We are Diplomats that use our immunity and status to safekeep special and valuable packages and baggage in trust for reputable clients that are honest and trustworthy.We work in collaboration with top firms and Governments of various countries as we have earned a name as a service whose hallmarks in reliability and confidentiality are revered.International missions, Fellow Diplomats and Embassies of the world have used our services to satisfaction.A benefactor whose identity can not be disclosed because of the Non Circumvention and Non Disclosure Agreement that was signed with the said benefactor when the packages were being deposited made you the beneficiary of a package containing some amount of money and stated clearly that you should only be contacted when the time signed for it to be in our care elapses and the time has already elapsed that is why you are being contacted.The Non Circumvention and Non Disclosure Agreement signed with the benefactor mandates us to fully divulge and disclose the benefactor’s identity 18 months after the beneficiary has received the funds.We confirm that these funds are fully free of any liens, or encumbrances and are clean, clear and non-criminal origin and are available in the form of CASH.You are hereby advised to send your Full Contact Information as well as the name of the closest airport to your city in the format stated below so that the funds would be brought to your Country of residence by 3 Diplomats who would accompany you to your bank (if you want them to) to deposit the funds in your name and submit all documentations that has to do with the origin of the funds in other to exonerate you from any form of investigations or interrogation and to authenticate the fact that the funds are clean and has no links whatsover with either drugs or terrorism.The Requested Information is to ensure that no mistake or error is made and it should be forwarded in the manner stated below:

Your Full Name: ______________________________ Your cell number:________________________________Your Complete Address: ________________________________ Name of City of Residence: ____________________ Name of Closest Airport to your city of esidence:_________________________________Complete the above and send back to me as soon as possible.Congratulations in advance.

Thank you and I sincerely Remain,

Stephen Herman

Email: herman200@barid.com

Email2:herman2000@barid.com

Cell:+447924428381

**UPDATED (Before You See It!)**With Sincerest Apologies to Mr. Pratchett

But, I really couldn’t resist…..

From our English-challenged friend, Mr. Wayne:

From: Mr Hilary Wayne [mailto:foffice506@yahoo.cn]
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 7:10 PM
Subject: I AM ON THE WAY TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS WHERE ARE YOU? URGENT

 

 

LEEWING TRADING COMPANY LIMITED

GOOD DAY I AM DIPLOMAT MR. HILARY WAYNE.

HOW IS EVERYTHING AND YOUR FAMILY IS NOW OVER A MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH U.S.A CUSTOMS WHERE I WAS ARRESTED THAT I DO NOT HAVE A DELIVERY CLEARANCE PAPER AT WASHINGTON DC U.S.A BUT I THANK GOD THAT THEY HAVE RELEASED ME TODAY WITH YOUR PACKAGE WORTH THE SUM OF $2.5MILLION U.S.A DORLLARS BUT THEY NEVER KNOW THAT IT CONTENTS LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY.

SO IT IS THIS MORNING THAT THEY RELEASED ME WITH YOUR FUNDS.YOU ADVICE TO RECONFIRM TO ME YOUR DETAILS YOU KNOW I LOST THEM DURING WHEN I WAS DRAGING YOUR PACKAGE WITH SOME IMMIGRATION OFFICER HERE.

AND AGAIN YOU HAVE TO PAY THE SUM OF $105.00 FOR AIR WAY BILL PAPERS THEY SAID THAT IF I DID NOT HAVE IT THAT I WILL NOT ENTER FLIGHT TO YOUR OR TAXI SO SEND THE FEES TO BENIN REPUBLIC WHERE I CAN FROM THEY WILL GET THE AIR WAY BILL ASAP AND FORWARD TO ME HERE AND IT WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN 4/HRS OR 5/HRS I WILL GET TO YOUR HOME ONCE YOU SEND THE FEES.

HERE IS THE INFORMATION TO SEND IT.

RECEIVERS NAME ……..Ngene Francis.
COUNTRY …….BENIN REPUBLIC .
CITY COTONOU .
AMOUNT $105.00
TXQ HOW LONG.
ANSWER 5 HRS DELIVERY.
SENDERS NAME
MTCN……..

PLEASE CALL MY DIRECTOR DHL DELIVERY COMPANY NOW NAME MR

PETER PALMER // NO +229-99 15 28 45.

 

 

PLEASE IT IS THIS MORNING THAT THEY HAVE RELEASED ME AND I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE ANY MORE LONG HERE AND I WILL DELIVER YOUR FUNDS IN 5 HRS TIME ONCE YOU SEND THE FEES TO THE MAN IN CHARGE.DO THAT FAST SO THAT THEY CAN NOT LOOK OVER THIS PACKAGE TO KNOW THE CONTENTS,

THANKS
DIPLOMATIC AGENT
MR. HILARY WAYNE

EMAILS:hdiplomat@rocketmail.com)

 

And, my reply………..

Dear Sir/Madam/Aircraft:

Being a native of Ankh-Morpork I am unfamiliar with the ‘DORLLAR’ of whence you speak. Is it, perhaps, in any way related to our very own knocker?  Because I have two of those, and while they are not large they are, shall we say, respectable.

Please advise if a pair of knockers would suffice for payment.

Sincerely,

A’Tuin

 It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, I tell ya….

And later that same day, Hilarywayneclintondhlbenin responded…….

Dear mr {redacted}

i receive your email and i want to let you know that is the only thing that delaying is sum of $105 and you have to go ahead and send it right now for air way bill paper i promise you. that is the noly fees you are going to send.

HERE IS THE INFORMATION TO SEND IT.

RECEIVERS NAME …….. NGENE FRANCIS.
COUNTRY …….BENIN REPUBLIC .
CITY COTONOU .
AMOUNT ……..$105.
QUESTION…… HOW LONG.
ANSWER ……5HRS DELIVERY.
SENDERS NAME…….
MTCN……..

To which I responded:

Do people really fall for this?   That makes me sad for the human race.

 Oh, and the Secret Service loves it when I string you idiots along.   I expect they’ll be in touch with you…very soon.

 Hugs,

A’Tuin

I think I may have ended my fun with Mr. Hillarybeninwaynemacaroniandcheese, though.    I’d love to keep playhing, but I just don’t have the time.   I have to go watch paint dry…or something.

See Now I Haz A Disappoint, It’s Like He’s Not Even Trying Anymore..

Just read this, and I’ll pass around the aspirin.

 

 

FROM OFFICE OF THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455 AGBOKOU,ANKPA
ROAD OPPOSITE TUNDE MOTORS COTONOU.
WEB: SITE.www.westernunion.com
MOBILE PHONE: +229-98-338-347

Attention:

This is to notify all our clients about the latest development concerning all the payment that are left in our custody. Which yours are inclusive besides, your where given a bill of $285.00 in order to receive your payment of $1.2 Million which we didn’t hear from you for some time now.

Hence, Our Western Union is now offering a Special Bonus to help all our customers that are having their payment in our custody due to high price. In order words we are now requesting that those involve should pay only the sum of $69 to receive all their payment abandoned in our custody.

Besides, my dear, this is the opportunity for you and you have to comply and your funds shall be transfer to your destination address immediately without any delay.

But remember that after (one week) you did not make the payment we will divert your funds to government fund (ACCOUNT) to avoid problem or we will cancel the payment for this year until next year because this year is not last year,

Again after (one week) We will enter A new project for the year and that is the reason we decide to help all our customers before we enter the new project for the new year.

So be advise to send the $69 immediately, So that we can be able to re-new and re-confirmed your payment file here as I have told you earlier for you to start picking the fund up from any western union office near you same day $5000.00 per day.

Be advice that there is no time again for us to call you on phone unless you will call +229-93-22-6442.

NOTE; after the payment of $69 you will start receiving your money Five (5) times per week $5000.00 till the payment of $1.2Million is complete transferred to you through western union.

STOP DELAYING THIS FUND HERE.

REMEMBER THAT ONCE THIS NEEDED MONEY IS RECEIVED HERE AS I TOLD YOU, THIS FUND WILL BE RELEASED FOR YOU TO START PICKING IT UP FROM ANY WESTERN UNION OFFICE NEAR YOU SAME DAY.

Send this needed fee $69 now through Western Union Money Transfer with the information’s below:

1.RECEIVER NAME:….Peter Oforka
2. COUNTRY:….. Republic of Benin .
3. CITY :……… Cotonou.
4. TEXT QUESTION:……Honest
5.TEXT ANSWER:…..Trust….
6.AMOUNT:…….$69. 00 USD
MTCN NUMBER……
SENDER’S NAME SHOULD BE YOUR NAME.

WE ARE WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO ENABLE THIS OFFICE KNOW YOUR ARRANGEMENT FOR THE PAYMENT. YOU CALL US FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THIS CELL PHONE NUMBER: +229-98-338-347

NOTE; DO RE-CONFIRMED YOUR FULL CONTACT INFORMATION’S WITH YOUR DIRECT PHONE NUMBER.

BEST REGARDS,
MR.HARRY MUSA.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

This could not go unanswered, but rather than grade it for grammar, spelling, context, or sense-making, I took advantage of  my ‘Net buddy, TacoMagic’s, advice in a previous post I had about this and made a reasonable request in my reply:

Tell you what, just deduct the $69 from my first payment and then send me the remaining $4,931.00

 

Sound like a plan there, Sparky?

 

Good.

 

Oh, and the Secret Service of the United States wants you to give them a call.  I don’t know why, it may have something to do with their $69 fee.   If you’re smart, you’ll waive it in their case. 

 

…..aaaaaaaaaaaand we wait…and while we wait, go show some love to the multi-talented new Daddy, Taco Magic.

Well, Now This is Just Sad….

Poor Mr. Peter Eric.

Not only does he have the unfortunate circumstances of having two first names, instead of a proper first name – either Peter or Eric will do – and a proper last name – I’m gonna go with Jablonski, because it’s memorable – but apparently, my lack of communication makes him think I don’t trust him.

Nothing could be further from the truth, as evidenced in my reply (below his e-mail).

__________________________________________________________________________________

GOOD NEWS TO YOU.

 

I know it is because of your past experience that make you not to believe me but I told you before that I cannot deceive you because my bible says what shall it profit a man to gain material things and loose your soul, what another assurance do you need before you will send the required fee of $45 for us to renew your payment fill from your Benin High Court ON YOUR BEHALF, i have assured you a time without number that this is genuine and legitimate, this is your payment details to pick up your first payment.

 

I swear and am here to swear again that nothing will stop to start receiving your daily payment after this $45, if i fail to start sending you your daily payment of $5,000.00 within 2hours after you send the $45 as i promise you i cannot fail you, don’t fear as soon as you send the $45 today leave the rest to me and see if i am lie to you or not because i can not use my life swear because of $45, how can i swear against my life because of this FUND, but is to show you that what am telling you is truth, so please try to understand me by sending this $45 is big amount but is too small for the amount you have to receive within 48hours.

 

Here is the information to use send the money so that we will complete the matter once and for all.$45 only no more payment i swear i will start sending you your total fund of $900,000.00 at the rent of

$5,000.00 per day immediately i receive payment, am here by giving you 100% Assurance that you will receive your fund and you can start picking it.

 

Here is the information to make the payment of $45 through western union money transfer or money Gram below:

 

NAME:===== EDWIN OBALIMU

2.COUNTRY:=====BENIN REPUBLIC

3.CITY :=====COTONOU

4.TEST QUESTION:=====GOD

5.TEST ANSWER:=====BLESS

6.AMOUNT:=====US$45.

MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER (M.T.C.N======) SENDER’S NAME=====

 

I guarantee you as soon as we hear from you with the payment of $45.

today we shall send your pick up information within 2hours.

 

YOURS SINCERELY

MR PETER ERIC

FOREIGN OPERATION MANAGER

PHONE +229-98469993   

             

MRS DORA TALLMAN ;HEAD OF OPERATING MANAGER

E-mail: www.westernunionoffice17@yahoo.co.uk

_________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Peter…erm…Eric…erm Jablonski (work with me here, I have trust issues..obviously);

 I am so sorry that I’ve somehow conveyed a lack of faith in you. 

 Nothing could be further from the truth.

 Why, I believe that in your capacity as a Foreign Manager of Operation you are quite capable and conscientious.

 Swearing again and again to deliver my $5,000 per day shows me just how dedicated to this cause you are, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t touched by your devotion.

 Unfortunately, I cannot send you the $45 in the mail or by wire.  I have trust issues with the postal service and Western Union.  I once sent another Foreign Manager $50 for $4,000 per day and I’ve never heard back from him.

 I’m positive Western Union kept that money and the Manager gave up on me.  Now, someone else is probably getting *my* $4,000 per day.

 So, you see why I don’t want to risk it again? 

 The only solution I can come up with is a tried and true American method for guaranteeing we can get together on this.

 Meet me at the top of the Empire State Building – that’s in New York City, in case you didn’t know – at 7:00 p.m. on February 14th, 2013.  That’s Valentine’s Day…a very romantic holiday, and I think our little arrangement may be the beginning of a beautiful relationship and, well, I can’t think of a more appropriate setting than one that re-enacts scenes from two of my favorite movies of all time – “An Affair to Remember” and “Sleepless in Seattle”.

 Anyway, please meet me on Valentine’s Day.  I’ll be the one wearing red.

 Sincerely,

Joan Fontaine

From A Fuh-bee Guy

This one came with a picture of ‘Juke’ attached!  SQUEE!!!

______________________________________________________________________________________________

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION

FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON DC

FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS J.EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING

935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Ref: FBI/DC/25/113/13/2012

https://www.fbi.gov

 

Urgent attention needed

 We have been informed through our global intelligence monitoring network that the sum of $10.500, 000.00, has been released from a bank in Africa bearing your name as the beneficiary without dist certificate to clear your name and fund from every terrorist or drug or money laundering activities

The bank knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to make this payment from any part of the world to your account directly, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) method to make the payment. direct transfers are difficult and secret diplomatic transit payment (s.t.d.p) are not  usually made unless the funds are  related to terrorist activities and we ask why must your payment be made in  a secret transfer if your transaction  is legitimate.

 We do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your personal account, so it is our duty as an international agency to correct these little problems before this fund reflects into your personal account.

we advice you to contact us immediately, as your funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, until you are able to provide us with the dist certificate within 3 days from the country that authorized the transfer to certify that the funds that you are about to receive are terrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to impound the payment and subsequently prosecute you for cross border terrorist financial activates.

 based on our findings, our investigative department wish to warn you against some miscreants, hoodlums and touts who go about scamming innocent people by claiming to be who they are not and thereby tarnishing the image of this wonderful country. By sending out fraudulent emails without our official logo and emblem we shall release your funds immediately we receive this legal document and we will ensure that you receive your payment without any further delay.

 Note

 We decided to contact you directly by email to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the huge amount involved. Be informed that the funds are now with a top bank in the united state in your name and under the monitoring/custody of the FBI. At the moment, we have asked the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them, unless we instruct them to do so, and only if we receive the dist certificate this is to enable us carry out a comprehensive investigation first before releasing the fund to you.

 hence, you are to forward your  dist certificate to us immediately if you have it in your possession, if you do not have it, then  let us know so that we will direct you  to the  appropriate  authority to  obtain the certificate then you are to send  it to our office. And thereafter, we will instruct the bank holding the funds, to go ahead and credit your account immediately. If you fail to provide the documents to this office, we will prosecute you and take appropriate action against you for not proving the legality of the funds.

 Yours Faithfully

 SPECIAL AGENT  JUKE  WILLIAMS

FOR  FBI DIRECTOR

MR. ROBERT S. MUELLER.

 cc: general intelligence department (GID)

cc federal bureau of investigation (fFBIi)

cc .internet crime complaint center (ic3)

cc: Asia pacific group on money laundering (APG)

cc: international monetary fund (IMF)

cc: international organization of securities commissions (IOSCO)

cc: international banking security association (IBSA)

cc: world customs organization (WCO)

cc: inter-American development bank (IADB)

cc: national white collar crime center (NW3C)

cc: bureau of justice assistance (BJA)

cc: supreme court of South Africa(SCA)

 LEGAL NOTICE:

Unless expressly stated otherwise, this message is confidential and may be privileged. It is intended for the addressee(s) only. Access to this e-mail by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not an addressee, any disclosure or copying of the contents or any action taken (or not taken) in reliance on it is unauthorized and may be unlawful. If you are not an addressee, please inform the sender immediately.

 

AVISO LEGAL:

Salvo que se indique lo contrario, este mensaje es confidencial y puede ser privilegiada. Se pretende a su destinatario (s)solamente. El acceso a este e-mail por cualquier otra persona no estб autorizado. Si usted no es un destinatario, cualquier divulgaciуn o copia de lacontenidos ni de cualquier acciуn realizada (o no) en la dependencia en que no estб autorizado y puede ser ilegal. Si no son unadestinatario, por favor notifique al remitente de inmediato

 _____________________________________________________________________________________________

And here’s the lovely and talented Fuh-bee guy, Juke Williams:

 I think he has a nice, honest face don’t you?

I don’t know why, but I was juuuuuuust a little bit skeptical about the offer mentioned above, especially since it was wrapped in a threat, and so I quickly got a ‘dist certificate’ and sent it to ‘Juke’ along with this……….

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Juke,

Is that your real name? ‘Juke’?  Kinda catchy.

Anyways, Juke, I really think that’s your covert ops name and your real name is probably something like Elmer or Homer, and your last name has got to be ‘Schmidlapp’.  It just has to.

So, Juke, you need a dist certificate, eh?

Well, just so happens I have one.  And I’ve attached it to this e-mail.

Don’t worry, it’s safe.  It’s just a plain, old, everyday, run-of-the-mill dist certificate.  Not like I just made it up on my computer during my lunch hour, or anything like that.  I assure you there was a fine institution involved in the making of this dist certificate.

Now, I understand you have some money for me?  And from your e-mail, it looks like I’m owed a whopping $10.50, right?

Wow.  I can get two of the Starbucks’ Venti Skinny Vanilla Lattes for that.  Those are my favorites, you know.  Well, not really my favorites.  My favorite is the Eggnog Latte, but it’s only available during the holidays and has like a bazillion calories. Probably, I may be guessing here.  I only allow myself one or two of them each year, so that probably adds to the enjoyment.

Doesn’t anticipation make everything better?

I think so, and I highly anticipate my $10.50 by return post.

Let me take a moment to thank you, ‘Juke’, for warning me about hoodlums and miscreants, too. 

Kids today! What with their baggy pants, and tattoos all over, piercings in places we don’t want to know about, and that crap they call music!  Don’t get me started on all that, but rest assured I’ve got my eye on them.  At least until the judge issues his restraining order. 

But, I’m getting off-track here and you are undoubtedly very busy dispersing these large sums of money to deserving recipients.

Besides, I just hate it when someone goes off on a tangent don’t you? One minute you’re discussing the theory of relativity and the next thing you know you’re caught up in a debate over Schroedinger’s cat or this year’s group of American Idol contestants.

So, anyways, please hurry with that $10.50.  I may need it for bail money.  That is, if the judge signs the restraining order.  Though, I don’t know why he would.  I can’t help it if those kids just happened to walk by – with their crazy piercings and baggy pants – just as I was vigorously sweeping the lawn with my new broom, and I decided right then and there to teach them about the game we played when I was a child.   It’s called ‘Chase’, and it’s what the name implies.  Although, swinging a broom was my way of putting my personal stamp on an old game.  I don’t call that ‘harassment’.  I call it ‘innovation’.  Some people have no vision.

I’m totally innocent here.

Probably.

Signed,

‘Violet Chamberlain’ (totally my covert ops name)

______________________________________________________________________________________________

And, we wait…….

 

Sam’s Just A Good Guy, Ya Know?

I just love it when I don’t have to think of something clever to write about………..from my e-mail, I bring you…….

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Pet Care Credit America, (PCCA)

5425 Wisconsin Avenue

Suite 600, PM 614

Chevy Chase, Maryland 20815

 

Attention,

 

The Pet Care Credit (PCCA) was established in year 2000 as a non-profit organization to financially assist great pet owners and rescue organizations with veterinary medical costs in times of crisis. Our board members are a dedicated group of great pet owners and fanciers with extensive backgrounds in the breed. We are committed to providing funding resources for pets that are in dire need of medical attention and whose owner/rescuer finds they are unable to cover the basic costs of veterinary care.

 

We have received tremendous donations from our Rich Pets Owners nationwide; the organization also began rewarding the pets via the Cash Relay Program. Through these two programs are to proudly help our pet owners re-unite, more than $50,000 was received from our rich pet owners to reward 100 Pets Owners.

 

Pets Care Credit America is building a nationwide network of animal and pet advocates through the use of the PCCA, the Facebook page, and other private efforts both online and offline to continue building our community and reuniting pets with their owners across the country. We are pleased to inform you today 25th Sept, 2012, you have been selected among the lucky members to receive our cash reward for your pets. We have pledge the sum of $1000.00 as gratitude to your pet. We are happy with pet lovers and we will like to send our support to you in form of a cashier check, please advise us on the name and address where we can send this reward to you. Also, this reward must be used as expenses for your pet only.

 

Your support allows us to grow and build our network as well as increase awareness and our capacity to help. Please use the form below to receive a reward payable via Money Order/cashier check to lost dog founder and be sure to share our site with others.

 

•Name on Check:

• Address:

•City:

•State:

•Zip Code:

•D.O.B:

•Home Phone:

•Cell Phone:

•Email:

•Gift Amount $1000

 

May we thank you publicly in our blog

 

Sincerely,

Sam Duncan

President, PCCA

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Awww…isn’t that thoughtful of ol’ Sam here?  Of course, this is just another scam in a looooooong line of scams, and you know what that means, right?

 

It’s time for “Fun With Scammers!”

 

Of course I checked out their Facebook page mentioned in the e-mail.  They don’t have one.

 

Shocking, I know.

 

Then, it was time to craft a reply:

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sam,

I am so deeply touched and honored by your gratitude for my devotion to my pet rock.

Coincidentally, rock’s name is “Rock”.  I toyed with using the name “Boulder” or “Granite”, you know something to boost his ego, but since he didn’t seem to have a preference I selected “Rock”, because I secretly suspect he’s a big Rock Hudson fan.

Whenever a movie starring Rock Hudson comes on the television, Rock sits very still the whole time.  I’d say that’s a pretty good indication he’s a fan, wouldn’t you?

Rock is also the best listener I’ve ever met. I can talk to him for hours, and I know he will listen intently, never interrupt me, and always be a solid buddy I can truly lean on.

I have several pictures of Rock, but if I send you one I know I’ll want to send them all, and you’re probably a very busy man who doesn’t have time to look at pictures of pet rocks all day.

If you do want a picture, though, just let me know.

There is only one thing about Rock that is slightly disturbing, and really I think it’s the reason most people don’t go for the pet rock thing. He’s a cannibal.

He eats pebbles, there I said it.  He’s also been known to eat gravel, and when I can’t afford anything else he eats sand.  He loves to nibble on sand, and I often give it to him as a treat when money is plentiful and the gravel and pebbles flow like wine..really clunky wine, but you get the idea.

Your $1,000 will go towards purchasing the finest river rock pebbles money can buy.  Rock really loves the smooth ones that are sold for decorative purposes. 

One more thing Rock loves is taking trips.  He sits on the dashboard of my car and never moves.  He’s truly an excellent traveler, so I think I may use some of the money to treat him to a long-awaited vacation on the beaches of Florida.  There, he can graze on the sand and soak up the ocean…literally. 

I cannot tell you how much this gift means to me and when I told Rock I believe he vibrated with excitement!

Or maybe we hit a pothole – we were in the car at the time – either way, I could tell how very excited he was.

Below is all my contact information, please forward my money order as soon as possible.  Now that I’ve told Rock about this honor, I don’t want to disappoint him.

Sincerely,

Natasha Bzychiewkski

2784569 Cellblock C

Leavenworth, KS 56890

01/01/75

No home phone

888-555-1212 – cell

anywho@yahoo.com

p.s. I tried to ‘like’ your Facebook page, but was unable to locate.  I think Rock’s been playing on my computer while I’m at work – he’s clever like that – and may have done something to the Facebook-thingy.  Whatever, I’ll figure it out, but you may thank me on your blog publicly so long as you mention Rock, too.

p.p.s. Are you sure you don’t want a picture of Rock for your blog?