Category Archives: Posts

There Are Forces At Work Here, I’m Convinced of It

Not only am I now awaiting my THIRD “Supernatural: Third Season, Disc 2” to arrive from Blockbuster – the first two having been broken in half when I got them, and now I’m wondering what supernatural forces are working to keep me from seeing this particular batch of episodes.

BUT…

I also got this cryptic message from my e-mail Nazis at work.

[SUSPICIOUS MESSAGE] Pocket Devotions, day 478: A Hero’s Life

See the day?  This is the 478th day I’ve received a Biblical message in my Inbox and today, of all days, it’s deemed ‘suspicious’.

There are forces at work here, I’m tellin’ ya.

The cosmos is fecking with my mind.

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I Really Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Go Places Alone

I’m kinda/sorta/maybe in the market to replace the 8-yr. old 165K miles-on-it car that I really do like.   It’s just starting to have ‘issues’, and much as I hate break-ups I hate breakdowns even more.

Besides, at my age, my ass/back needs something comfy to sit in when I drive.  And with the elebenty-hunnert grandchildren around these days we need something larger.

After much looking around the ‘Net I decided I want a Chevy Traverse.   Hubby is underwhelmed at the idea of getting into payments again, so he has thus far refrained from shopping or test-driving.

I blame him for what happened Tuesday.

I found a very nice-looking Traverse with low mileage and a great price at a dealership near my house, so I decided to go by there and test drive it on my way home.

I’ve always been one to engage in the idle chatter that a used-car salesman will instigate the minute you get inside the vehicle for the test.  This time I was tired, and I was trying to get a feel/listen to the Traverse, so I was silent.

ChattyBoy was not…so, he only has himself to blame for this:

ChattyBoy (CB):  This is a nice vehicle, isn’t it?  And you just never, ever find one for under $20K anywhere. Not ever.

ME: *silent as I’m navigating the turns out of the parking lot onto the street, but I notice there’s something ‘off’ about this vehicle*

CB: Nosiree, never one this low-priced.  And…umm…it’s really nice, not scratches, no dings…..

ME: *except the scratched-to-hell inside of the back hatch door, and the chunk missing from one of the third-row seat backs and there’s something wrong with the way this thing handles*

CB: …and an exceptionally nice ride, for what’s basically a large SUV…handles pretty well, doesn’t it? And, the price! Can you believe it?  Did I mention it’s also a ‘Certified’ vehicle? Yep, it goes through a 177 point inspection.  All that for a remarkable price.  So, what’s your budget?

ME: *finally speaking* I don’t have a set budget, it depends on the vehicle and there’s something really wrong with the suspension or else one of the right-side tires is in the shape of a football.

CB: *after a few seconds* You may be right.

ME: 177 point inspection? Really?

CB: *beaming*Yep, it’s got an extended warranty and it’s Certified.

ME: 177 points, and yet the mechanics missed the fact that one of tires may be in the shape of a football…or, there’s something much larger going on and that’s a big problem.

CB: *nervous laughter* Yeah, sometimes I wonder where the mechanic’s heads are at.

ME:  So, if they missed this big a problem, what kind of confidence can I have that any of the other 177 points were addressed?

CB: *silence*

ME *on a roll now* And while we are at it, I’ve seen plenty of vehicles at or below this one’s price.

CB: Really? Where?

ME: At other-much-larger-dealership nearby.

CB: *sulking* Well, yeah..but they do a huge volume…

ME: Look, bud, you’re the one going on and on about pricing…and you know what? I wouldn’t pay that for this vehicle. It’s beat to hell, drives like it’s run the Baja, and is the most vanilla version of a Traverse.

By this time we were back at the dealership and he almost waited for the car to stop completely before getting out.

I walked into the showroom with him as he kept apologizing for the lousy condition of the car and promising it would get fixed.

CB: So, if we fix the problems, how much would you be willing to pay?

ME: No more than $13K (the sticker was $16.5K)…and I mean not a penny more.

CB:  *looking crestfallen* I’ll call you.

ME: Yeah, you do that.

As I left I realized I’d just come across as the biggest bitch on the planet, and I also realized I don’t give a shit.   I’m there to spend money, my money, and it’s going to be on my terms.

But, I have to admit I’d of been a lot less bitchy if hubby had gone with.   He’s the voice-of-reason, and my warrior and protector.  ChattyBoy wouldn’t have tried so hard after Hubby gave him that sideways glance the first time the car wonky-wooed to the right.

I told hubby about my adventure when I got home and his only response was, “You really shouldn’t be allowed to go places alone.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

It’s A Major Award!

I got one of these:

From my Owned by Rats glowy-box friend, Bubbe.  Check out her site…it’s waaaaaay cool.

So, umm…I think I’m supposed to first thank all the little people – the Munchkins, all of the Dwarfs – even though that Grumpy can be a real pain! And the children…let’s not forget the children.

So here’s a great big Thank You to Bubbe and all the little people:

thank you script

Now, for the Seven Things You Need to Know About Me:

1) I’m utterly, totally, completely, boring-ly normal. 

2) I’m happily married – for nearly 37 years now.

3) I have written one complete manuscript – a YA fantasy/sci-fi – and NOT ONE publisher or agent will read it.  *sniffle*

4) I love cats, dogs, rats, bunnies, horses, and would have a gozillion of each if I didn’t have the Voice of Reason a/k/a hubby living with me.

5) I’m working on a non-fiction manuscript (that no one will read/publish) about my life with Dad. He died last summer of Alzheimer’s.  It’s been a LOT harder to do than I thought it would be. Hence the slooooooooow progress.

6) I love my job.  Rare these days, but there you have it.  I love my boss, I love my company.  I’m very content.

7) I have seven grandchildren, so far, and each of them are pure perfection.  I also have four children – 2 boys, 2 girls – and they are very-nearly perfect themselves.   They take after their Daddy….obviously.

And, now, for the fifteen nominees:

1. Animals Talking in All Caps – this guy is freakin’ hilarious

2. Better After – I love restoring/reusing old stuff, so this site is one of my favorites.

3. EPBOT – Jen of ‘Cake Wrecks’ fame has her own li’l corner of the Web here.

4. Go Away – no I don’t mean you ‘go away’, I mean David Thorne’s site.  He’s utterly rude, annoying, and will make me laugh to tears.  My only gripe, David, is you don’t post enough!

5. It Just Gets Stranger – if I were a LOT younger, not married, and lived anywhere near Palau, I’d so stalk Eli McCann.  He’s that funny/wonderful.  Go check him out.

6. Letters of Note – I’ve re-blogged from this site a number of times.  It’s my go-to for when I need to be reminded that not everyone is an illiterate buffoon that writes in a garbled letter/number manner with no insight into their soul.

7. Little White Lion – I just clicked on it, and today there’s a recipe for a 15 lb. Snickers bar.  Need I say more? I think not.

8. The Problem With Young People Today Is….- even though it’s been over a year since he updated the site, this old geezer tells it like it is…and I love him for that.

9. Messy Nessy Chic – an offbeat and unique blog..lots of fun

10. This Is Colossal – and hoo-boy is it ever! I can lose an entire day here.

11. Pleated Jeans – no filler, just funny…and oh yeah..every day something new.

12. Jason Good – he’s a writer! he’s a comedian! he’s a very funny family man!

13. Dump a Day – no it’s not a prescription for feeling good, it’s a site with a lot of fluff to make you smile/laugh/happy.

14. Penny’s Vintage Home – another decorating/DIY site.  This woman is very talented, and very creative.

15. Thrifty Decor Chick – my kind of DIYer – thrifty and creative.

Go show some love to these people and if you waste a WHOLE day visiting the sites, just remember it’s not my fault!

You Know Me, I’m A Helper

So, if you haven’t laughed so hard you peed your pants yet this week…..

Go here, and click on the video clip in the middle of the page.

But first, be sure to have an extra pair of underwear on hand..or Depends…whatever floats your boat.

I Can’t Wait Until They Make the Movie!

Plot dynamics!  Interesting characters! Humor! Action! Adventure! Romance! We’ve got it all right here!!!

A Little Slice of Silver Awesomesauce

I…just….wow….wow…double-wow….

In all their majesty, some of God’s finest creatures deign to share a moment or two.

I Am Afraid I Might Have to Break Up….

….with my dentist, and it won’t be pretty I tell you.

He’s become something of a stalker lately.

At least once a week since the beginning of January I’ve gotten a text message:

“Hey {name}! It’s time for your checkup!”

And when that doesn’t work someone from his office will call me, and since I never answer when I see it’s them, will leave me this chipper message:

“Hi {name}! We have/had a cancellation/opening this week at {time} on {day}.  Would you like to come in for a check up?”

Mind you, it’s not like it’s been years…no, wait..no…it’s not been years since I’ve been to the dentist.  It’s just that I haven’t been this year and there’s all that insurance money to be spent my dental health to think of.

Now I’m not one of those scaredy-cats when it comes to seeing a dentist – especially since Dr. Feelgood practices sedation dentistry – and God love him for that!   It’s just that I haven’t had time for my semi-annual check up and cleaning yet. 

It’s only February, dude!   Don’t push me!  I’m feeling suffocated here!  I hate to have to say this, but I think we need to take a break.  I need my space.

It’s not you, it’s me.

No..wait…it’s you.  It’s definitely you.

Just give me some time, and maybe I’ll call you. 

Sigh, I hate break-ups.  There’s all that starting over, getting to know someone, and praying they aren’t a psychotic stal—-  

:phone rings:

It’s him……..

Yes, I Realize Valentine’s Day Was Last Week

But, if you had any idea what kind of week last week was for me, you wouldn’t be making such a big deal about my missing Valentine’s Day right now.

For that matter, if you knew how I really feel about Valentine’s Day we wouldn’t even be discussing it.   We’d be talking about the dynamic synergies of post-modern banjos instead, because that would be far less controversial.

Yes, I said ‘controversial’.

I hate Valentine’s Day.

Let me ‘splain.

When I was a kid I remember having Valentine’s Day parties at school.  We’d all bring decorated shoeboxes with little cutouts in the tops and set them on our desks. 

At the appointed hour, we’d go around the room dropping our handwritten Valentines in the boxes of our classmates – always reserving the fanciest ones, with all the glitter on them, for our super-not-so-secret crush.  

Then the teacher would pass out the heart-shaped candies, cookies, and cupcakes with red icing on it that wound up on your face, hands, and clothes.  Every.  Time.

It was fun.  Lots of fun.

I carried on this tradition with my children, until it wasn’t a ‘thing’ anymore and just like that one more party in school went ‘pfffffffft’. 

C’est le vie.

We still had Valentines and cupcakes at home.

Then one day about ten years ago, and my kids had long since grown out of Mom’s Valentine’s Day celebration and onto their own,  I happened to be at the store on Valentine’s Day.

I was getting ready to check out in the Express Lane (no more than 15 items, and God help you if you accidentally overlooked that lone lemon in the bottom of your cart which put you firmly at 16 items as the jackass behind you will LOUDLY proclaim), when I noticed a long, long, long line in front of me.

Everyone in the line was male.  Each was holding flowers, candy, and cards…in some combination – many with all three. 

Every one of them looked sad, depressed and anxious….as if they were in line for vasectomies, not simply to pay for the undying expressions of love they held.

That was when it hit me.

Valentine’s Day is one of those Hallmark holidays, made up to make men feel guilty and women entitled. 

From that day on, I told my husband that if he wanted to give me a card or flowers or candy he better NOT do it on February 14th.   Do it on the 13th, the 15th, or even not at all…just take out the garbage without my asking.  That tells me more about how you feel than any pre-packaged, wrapped in hearts and flowers, sentiment just waiting for you to pay more than it’s worth at the local store does.

It’s been freeing, if sometimes awkward when someone asks me what I ‘got’ for Valentine’s Day and I launch into my tirade about how I hate that day – incidentally, they don’t ask how I feel about too many things after that, so it’s a win!win! for me.

And you know what?  My hubby empties the garbage without my asking a lot more nowadays, too.   Now that, my friends, is romantic.

Good To Know I’m Yummy

From the Spambot du juor:

“Excellent website. Plenty of helpful information here. I’m sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious. And naturally, thanks to your sweat!”

Apparently I’m delicious, thanks to my sweat.

I must conclude, therefore, that my sweat is yummy.

You’re welcome.

And Then Everyone Ran Into Everybody

Walked outside yesterday morning at 4:00 AM to see hubby off to work, and heard sand hitting the cars, street, grass.

What the…?

Hubby looked at me and said..”It’s sleeting.”

Few things will cause me to seize with terror. 

“It’s sleeting.” is definitely on the short list for that.  

It’s not that I can’t drive in sleet or snow, I can.   What I cannot drive in is freezing rain or ice. 

I know my limitations as a driver.

However, I live in Texas and the last thing any Texan will admit is not having  a thorough, indisputable, knowledge of…….everything.  Including driving in the ice/snow/sleet.  This is a perfect example of a little knowledge being an extremely dangerous thing.

Any Texan, except me.   I prepared to go back inside and slip into my jammies and get back in bed.  Hubby, also a Texan – one with a massive four-wheel drive truck, prepared to go to work.

He said he’d call me when he got there and let me know how the roads were before I made any decisions.

At 4:45 AM he called me to say the roads weren’t bad…..yet.   And, if I wanted to go to work I better leave…..now.

I contemplated the question of whether or not I ever really wanted to go to work, and decided that was far too philosophical for 4:45 in the morning.  

I focused, instead, on whether or not I wanted to go to work driving on an ice rink.  And my car doesn’t have skates.

I decided to be brave, to be bold, to be stupid.

I left at 5:00 AM, and at first the roads were dry and clear.   I wondered what all the fuss was about.

Halfway through my commute I noticed that hail/snow stuff called “grapple” or “gropple” or something like that was hitting the windshield.  It lay in waves on the road that moved back and forth as cars passed over.  It was quite fascinating to watch, but before long the roadway became wet with the melting of the snow/sleet as it came down heavier and heavier.

No problem, I thought, I got this…it’s just wet roads.

Then….the bridge…the first of many I had to cross loomed large in front of me.    It wasn’t wet.  It was white. It was frozen.  It was treacherous.

Contrary to the belief of every Texan who drives – that if you are on wet/slick roads, put the pedal to the metal  – I slowed down a little and instead of death-gripping the steering wheel lightly guided it with my fingers as I crossed bridge after bridge.  Each one was slicker than the last and heavily iced.

I actually got to work with no issues, but the instant I got out of the car I think I heard every Dallas PD and FD unit heading out and by 7:00 AM there were well over 100 car accidents in the DFW Metroplex.

Which just goes to prove my theory about Texas drivers – if the pavement is not dry, the sky not clear, and the temperature not in the 90’s, let’s all get in our cars and run into each other, the barriers, guardrails, restaurants, fences, houses, airplanes, skateboards, and whatever else we can see from our drivers’ vantage point, just as fast as we possibly can.