Category Archives: Stupid Human Tricks

Distracted

I’m back, but I’m not really back.  Not yet.

Today, I’m attempting to trap/capture a stray dog that has been living at the property where I work for a year.  It involves catch poles (possibly), restraints (probably), and a trap (most likely). This dog has her own Facebook page, and has attained celebrity status across the nation.  She has no idea.  Coordinating this effort to trap, transport, and finally get her a forever home has taken months.

So, it comes down to this day.  The hottest day of the year, so far, and what am I doing? Chasing a stray dog around approximately 4 million square miles of ideal hidey-holes for dogs, cats, snakes, and skunks.

I’m insane.

This is my life.

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And Then Everyone Ran Into Everybody

Walked outside yesterday morning at 4:00 AM to see hubby off to work, and heard sand hitting the cars, street, grass.

What the…?

Hubby looked at me and said..”It’s sleeting.”

Few things will cause me to seize with terror. 

“It’s sleeting.” is definitely on the short list for that.  

It’s not that I can’t drive in sleet or snow, I can.   What I cannot drive in is freezing rain or ice. 

I know my limitations as a driver.

However, I live in Texas and the last thing any Texan will admit is not having  a thorough, indisputable, knowledge of…….everything.  Including driving in the ice/snow/sleet.  This is a perfect example of a little knowledge being an extremely dangerous thing.

Any Texan, except me.   I prepared to go back inside and slip into my jammies and get back in bed.  Hubby, also a Texan – one with a massive four-wheel drive truck, prepared to go to work.

He said he’d call me when he got there and let me know how the roads were before I made any decisions.

At 4:45 AM he called me to say the roads weren’t bad…..yet.   And, if I wanted to go to work I better leave…..now.

I contemplated the question of whether or not I ever really wanted to go to work, and decided that was far too philosophical for 4:45 in the morning.  

I focused, instead, on whether or not I wanted to go to work driving on an ice rink.  And my car doesn’t have skates.

I decided to be brave, to be bold, to be stupid.

I left at 5:00 AM, and at first the roads were dry and clear.   I wondered what all the fuss was about.

Halfway through my commute I noticed that hail/snow stuff called “grapple” or “gropple” or something like that was hitting the windshield.  It lay in waves on the road that moved back and forth as cars passed over.  It was quite fascinating to watch, but before long the roadway became wet with the melting of the snow/sleet as it came down heavier and heavier.

No problem, I thought, I got this…it’s just wet roads.

Then….the bridge…the first of many I had to cross loomed large in front of me.    It wasn’t wet.  It was white. It was frozen.  It was treacherous.

Contrary to the belief of every Texan who drives – that if you are on wet/slick roads, put the pedal to the metal  – I slowed down a little and instead of death-gripping the steering wheel lightly guided it with my fingers as I crossed bridge after bridge.  Each one was slicker than the last and heavily iced.

I actually got to work with no issues, but the instant I got out of the car I think I heard every Dallas PD and FD unit heading out and by 7:00 AM there were well over 100 car accidents in the DFW Metroplex.

Which just goes to prove my theory about Texas drivers – if the pavement is not dry, the sky not clear, and the temperature not in the 90’s, let’s all get in our cars and run into each other, the barriers, guardrails, restaurants, fences, houses, airplanes, skateboards, and whatever else we can see from our drivers’ vantage point, just as fast as we possibly can.

Heh…Heh…

…gotcha…

The Precipice

……..when you reali–….SQUIRREL!!

Epic

…you decide to act on that great notion/idea…

Where Was I?

…so, when you said ‘notion’, you really meant ‘idea’….same thing

Inadequate Housekeeping

…and that there’s a LOT of dust on that light fixture…

English is Strange

…. you realize that ‘notion’ is just a weird word…

Reflective…….

Upon further reflection……

Epiphany….

…and then you realize…