Category Archives: unbelievable

Okay, Shit’s About to Get Real

*WARNING* Language and anger ahead.  If you’re sensitive, go away now.  If you’re  a snowflake, go far, far away and don’t come back.

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

No, really,

WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT.

Why is everyone so upset about this Pepsi ad?

It’s an advertisement.  For a fucking soft drink.  It’s no more, and it’s no less.

Get over yourselves, snowflakes of the world, you don’t get to be the only ones outraged. Wait, yes, you do get to be the only ones outraged when your outrage is so clearly manufactured. And, if it’s not, sweet clothespin jeebus, you people need to get out more.  Or maybe just study your history.

How about four young men, staging a protest because they weren’t allowed to sit at a Woolworth’s lunch counter? 

How about separate fucking bathrooms, schools, and being force to sit in the back of the bus – all based on skin color?

You who protest a fucking Pepsi ad hide behind your keyboards, and compress your outrage in Twitter-sized posts.  You weren’t there, on the front lines, fighting for equality. You need ‘safe zones’ everywhere you go. You’d probably piss yourselves if you were ever on the receiving end of true opposition to your beliefs.

If Dr. King, Jr were here he’d slap the shit out of you and tell you to shut up or dig in and work for those people who are still facing inequality and discrimination every day. Not just people of color, but all people.

If Mother Teresa were here, she’d pray for your fragile asses and go back to ministering to the unwashed masses; quietly bringing dignity and a measure of comfort to their lives.

If Ghandi where here, he’d tell you to find your inner peace and project it on those around you.

But none of them are here, and I’ve taken great liberties with what I’m *sure* they’d say if they were.  Who knows?  Maybe they’d dismiss you out of hand for the immature children you so clearly are.

 

 

 

Advertisements

By Now You’ve Probably Forgotten…

…and for me it’s a slowly fading memory, but..

I didn’t leave the planet, I just moved to the country  on Halloween 2016.

You see…we moved.

Gosh, that sounds so…I don’t know, innocuous?   And most of it was not fraught with insanity-inducing happenings, but the stuff that did happen turned me (momentarily) into the hell-bitch from, well, Hell…with a capital “H”.

The packing ladies arrived at the house a couple of days prior to our move, looked around, and proudly proclaimed this an “easy job, 4-5 hours tops” …and then proceeded to pack for 10 hours with one short break.   I had known we had a lot of stuff, but to hear professionals mumbling about “all this stuff…” when they didn’t think we were listening was an eye-opener.

An aside – we’d already spent weeks cleaning/purging/packing prior to this.  There was a lot of stuff…just…so….much.

Anyway, at the point where these two lovely workers were glassy-eyed and looked about ready to collapse from exhaustion, they finished.  We paid them, twice what we’d budgeted, and tipped them generously to boot.

We knew the move would be expensive – though I don’t think either of us thought to double our original estimate, but we’d sold the house and knew that we’d be getting a chunk of change once we closed on it.  So, out came the credit card.  We’re so cute when we’re being all optimistic and totally naïve.

Two days later the moving trucks and six young men came to move our stuff from the big city town (40K population) to the country town (3K population).  They, too, proclaimed this an “easy job” and how it wouldn’t “take long”.  TWELVE hours later, with daylight fading, they were still pretty upbeat but it was not longer an easy job that wouldn’t take long.

It was an epic journey, and everyone was so tired we giggled insanely at every little thing.

Well, almost everything.

The one thing we did not laugh about was the one thing we desperately needed once the packed trucks and our packed vehicles arrived at the new farm in 90-degree weather.

Electricity.  That was the one thing we needed.  It was so important that I’d arranged for it to be turned on three days prior to the move. I’d arranged this, over a series of phone calls, a month in advance.  The last phone call, to confirm, had been the day before the service was turned on to the house.

Guess what we didn’t have?  No, really, guess.

You’re so smart.

I proceeded to call the electric company we’d chosen, and in the country calling someone on a cell phone is an exercise in frustration…and sometimes futility.  I finally found a good signal in a spot about 50 yards in front of the house and within two minutes the helpful young man at the other end of the phone told me his company didn’t service our home. We had to use a co-op.

I proceeded to scream at the top of my lungs at the poor kid, the gist of my screaming was that I wanted to know why someone hadn’t informed me of that sooner.

I scared the absolute shit out of the kid on the phone, and my movers. Every. single. one.

My husband had to tell them I wasn’t normally a maniacal hell-bitch, but no electricity when I had been so careful to make sure we had electricity, that was the proverbial straw.

I’d been working at my job, coming home and packing, cleaning, packing, sleeping little, and so on for weeks.  To say I was at the end of my rope is too cliche.  I was at the end of every rope, ever.

We finished unpacking the trucks, in the dark, and since it was Halloween and we were in the boonies and it was dark, the sounds of the forest scared the shit out of the young movers.  They whispered about curses and witches and ghosts to one another.  I did nothing to alleviate their fears when I said, straight-faced, that the house was built on an “old Indian burial ground” and rumored to be haunted.  One of them asked me if I was afraid of ghosts, and I told him that since I was a witch I had power over the ghostly realm. I honestly think he believed me. Poor kid.

We collapsed into bed that first night, too tired to even care that it was sticky and warm.  All the windows in the house were open, but if any ghosts visited we were too tired to care about them either.

We got the electricity turned on the next morning, but only because I threatened to sit down in the middle of the co-op’s office and cry until they did.  I was desperate, exhausted, in need of a shower, and the nice lady in the office had just told me it would be 1-3 business days before they could get the power on at the house.  Instead, she took pity on me and by the time we drove back out to the house we had lights and air conditioning and a working washer and dryer.

Too bad we couldn’t locate a lot of our clothes.  Somehow, in the move, everything seemed to get separated.  We spent four days unpacking and we wore the same clothes all four days. I’d wash them every night, and we’d put them on every morning.  We finally found all our clothes, so with that and electricity things were looking up.

Then, our real estate agent called..the old house may not have sold after all. Maybe, perhaps.  We need to re-negotiate here. With ginormous credit card bills looming, we listened and we compromised and we got the old house and some land we owned sold.

We spent the rest of the week unpacking everything, and in the end were really only missing a couple of small items and only found a couple more broken.

It’s been a few months now, and we are loving our new home.  It’s magical, it’s beautiful, and it’s where I intend to spend the rest of my life.  I told my hubby that if he ever got the notion to move again I’d go straight for his throat.  After seeing me react to the whole electricity debacle I’m pretty sure he believes it.

I’m Pretty Sure, Sir David Attenborough Is Not a Liar

………but damn…..

This bird, I swear…I just…wha…..holy shit