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Because Country Life, Part One

I started this as a part one because I’m either naïve about the amount of baffling happenings living in the country will provide, or because I’m not.

It’s definitely your classic either/or situation.

Besides, it makes me look introspective and cool. Or not.

See what I mean?

Did you know that “in the country” there are a LOT of people who not only don’t have smart phones with GPS, they don’t even have smart phones? Or dumb ones they can carry around past their front porch –  provided the cord stretches that far? They also don’t have voicemail or answering machines.  There’s a helluvalot less conversing on the phone going on in the country.  I’m convinced, given the sheer numbers of people I see parked in front of the local eateries, that that’s where one goes to talk to people who live in the country. It’s been interesting trying to get things done/fixed around the ranch.  Interesting and slow.

“In the country” driving directions involve a lot of “…then ya go passed where the Souters red barn used to be, only it got hit by lightning in ’79 so it’s not there anymore, sad story, they lost their best mule in that fahr…”  And I find myself very sad for the Souters’ loss, and I don’t even know them.  I also don’t know how the hell to get where I’m going.

Did you know that “in the country” a good number of businesses are either cash only or cash/check?  The first time I encountered the checks only thing, I had to sit down with a blank piece of paper and practice writing a check…yes, it had been that long.  The first time I encountered a regular brick building business that was cash only was after I’d had my car inspected and handed the guy behind the very cluttered desk my debit card. He stared, blankly, at me. “We only take cash” he said.

Shit, I thought, now what do I do? I smiled, trying to buy some time. “Oh, guess I should’ve known when I didn’t see any of those ‘we accept VISA…’ signs in your window.”

“Welllll….I can take a check, if it’s local…” he said, smiling back at me.

“Oh, I’m local alright.  Been living here a few months and just realized my car’s inspection was about to expire so thought I’d better get ‘er done, ya know..” shut up, you idiot “Anyhoo…here you go” I said, handing him the check, and then not able to leave well enough alone, added, “It’s a perfectly good check.” what the feck?

His face darkened, and looking at the check he said, “It better be; I know where you live now.”

Shit.

Did I mention folks in the country can be a little scary?