Blog Archives

This One Nearly Killed Me

…so I’m going to share..of course…

brown window spider

The Edifier

I got this iPod/iPad/iPhone speaker/charger docking station-thingy (it’s a technical term, trust me) from Amazon, and this is the conversation I had with my boss about it:

ME: Hey, look at my new speaker/charger-thingy for my iPhone.

BOSS: Does it hold an iPad?

ME: I don’t know, I haven’t figured that out yet. But, it’s got different modes.

BOSS: Like?

ME: I don’t know, I haven’t figured that out yet.

BOSS: Oh..

ME: Well, it’s also a clock when nothing’s docked on it…it displays the time, though it’s in military time because I haven’t figured out how to change it yet.

BOSS: Does it have an alarm?

ME: I think so, but I haven’t figured that out yet.

BOSS: Ohhh…kay.

ME: *chuckling* I guess there’s a lot I haven’t figured out yet.

BOSS: Yeah…when did you get this?

ME: Oh I’ve only had it a short time.

BOSS: Since..?

ME: Christmas.

 

 

Is This Some Radical New Sammich?

chick fil a autocorrect

I Promised Myself I Wouldn’t Be THAT Blogger…

…that posted cute pictures of their cats and/or dogs all day and talked about how funny they look when they poop or hack up a hairball.

Sigh…I am such a disappointment to myself.

You see, our new rescue pup – Josey – does unintentionally hilarious shit.

All. The. Time.

So, I’m actually showing a good deal of restraint by just sharing this one story.

You’re welcome.

One of the ‘things’ about my formerly feral white shepherd is her lack of socialization.  She doesn’t know how to dog, basically.

There’s no tail wagging.

There’s no food begging – in fact she RUNS the other way when we try to feed her in the house.  She’ll only eat outside – another post for…nevermind.

There’s no coming when called, despite knowing her name.

Basically, she’s a cat in a dog suit.

The one thing she’s begun doing is following her “pack” around the house.  The pack being me and hubby.  The cat is not part of the pack, and spends most of his time alternately ignoring or staring at her – no doubt thinking what a dumbass she is.

We have a den, and in that den our Josey had never set foot.  For whatever reason, the den (and our bedroom) was a room she couldn’t follow us into.

This created a serious problem for her.  She couldn’t not follow her pack, but she couldn’t follow her pack.

So, one night she finally worked up the courage to follow her pack.

Sort of.

She started by backing into the den, after she’d paced in front of the door for several minutes, and sat with her back to us staring at the doorway.

This went on for at least 10 minutes, hubby and I giggling all the while, and me providing a commentary to the thoughts I imagined in her head…

                I can do this. I know I can do this. Just don’t make eye contact. I can do this.

Finally, she turned around and walked to the farthest corner of the room.  She sat on the hard floor, and slooooooooooooooowly her butt slid backwards.  She re-positioned her butt and paws, sat down, and sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid backwards.

By now, hubby and I were in tears from trying to hold back the laughter.

The cat finally came out to see what all the fuss was about, and he walked right in and sat down on the rug right next to Josey.  His ass stayed put. He looked at her, smugly.

She got up and parked her ass on the rug, ending the slide and our giggling.

Glob Dangflit!

auto couch autocorrect

Turkey!

Yeah, it makes sense after you watch this.

 

 

Apparently I Make a Terrible Overpaid Receptionist, Or Something

As an executive admin I had to relieve our receptionist at lunch from time to time when I worked for Major Retailer at their corporate headquarters.

This is how the phone exchanges went every time:

ME: Thank you for calling Major Retailer, how may I direct your call?

CALLER: Is Mr. Bigshot there?

ME: May I ask who’s calling?

CALLER: Mr. Biggershot

ME: One moment,please.

Then, I’d hit the “HOLD” button and everything that just took place would disappear from my brain.

Sometimes, I had to go back to the caller 2-3 times before I’d retain the information long enough to transfer the call to the right person.

Before too long, I was permanently relieved from receptionist relief.

I never have figured out why.  My guess is they paid me too much to sit up at the front desk and take calls.

I Say if You’re Gonna Do It, Go For the Gusto!

go for it

For reals…if autocorrect is gonna feck up everything you try to type anyway, I say go for it.

I Am Totally Against This Thing Here

And I shall loudly protest, holding up signs which reinforce my position and solidify my solidarity with others who feel the same way I do.

 

generic angry slogan

 

We shall form a mob and shout “HARUMPH!”

protesting protests

 

We shall wear arm bands, as soon as we agree on color, and no George we are not wearing puce.  I don’t care what you say it looks like it sounds – puke.

Once you people realize I am on the right side of history we can all go have a drink, so hurry up because it’s bound to be 5 o’clock somewhere.

Hi! My Name is ______________(insert name), and I Am An Addict

It all started about a year ago, and now I’m ashamed to admit I find myriad ways to feed my addiction.

I’m very creative in that respect.

I know, it’s  a serious matter but I also know that I can’t (won’t) stop until I’ve hit rock bottom.

I’m only writing about it now, because I’m afraid that time will come.

Very soon, in fact.

I mean I can only think of so many excuses to take my car over to the Discount Tire just so I can score some free Green Mountain coffee, before someone catches on and makes me stop.

I know I could buy my own Keurig and brew my own Green Mountain, but it’s not the same.  Any addict will tell you that part of the thrill is getting away with it. 

*checks Discount Tire website*

Heyyyyyyyyy….did y’all know they have free tire pressure checks?   I didn’t till just now.

Never mind all that nonsense above, I have…umm…a tire that’s low…or will be low in a minute.  Trust me, I’m psychic like that.