These Didn’t Happen in The Same Day, But Definitely In Close Proximity To Each Other and My Life is Weird

So I went to the doctor for a bizarre rash-thingy (that’s as much detail as you get) and she walks into the room hunched over like she’s 900 yrs. old.

Me: “What the…???”

Dr. Derby: “I joined Roller Derby, and somehow tweaked my back and the last patient I saw…I don’t know, suddenly I can’t stand up and it hurts.”

Me: “Does it hurt all the time? Or just when you move? Any numbness or tingling in your legs or feet?”

*doc and I exchange weird looks*

Me: “Well that was odd.”

Dr. Derby: *laughing* “Nah..you’re the back expert here”

She sat down in a chair, only she didn’t sit, she kind of rolled backwards still bent nearly in half.

I couldn’t stifle the giggles any longer.

Dr. Derby: *giggling* “Shut the f*ck up. I’m f*cking fine over here”

Me: “On the list of things you are, doc, ‘f*cking fine’ doesn’t even make the top 100”

(…and yes, she’s that cool..she drops the “F” bomb on me and is a roller derby jammer – and that’s why I have been going to her for 15 yrs and will till one of us dies..no offense, but I’m kind of hoping that ‘someone’ isn’t me)

Later that week……..

The frat boys across the street thought it’d be cool to start a ginormous out-of-control bonfire in their front yard.

The police and fire marshall disagreed on the ‘cool’ factor.

The fire marshall had his boys put the fire out with one of the high-pressure hoses.

The frat boys are still cleaning mud off the front of their house.

Idiots.

What the Hell?

Has it really been over three weeks since I posted?

And now I don’t have time.

*draws deep breath*

Between now and February I have

12 holiday gifts to make

11 parties to duck attend

10 bottles of wine to (ahem) sample

9 birthdays

8 anniversaries

7 swansongs

6 geese to stuff

5 golden opportunities to place foot in mouth

4 calls to make

3 french pastries to eat

2 dove bars to inhale when no one’s looking

And a car trip to the country!

I wish I was kidding, but I’m not.

See you sometime in 2015…or sooner if something besides this happens.

I’ll leave you with this from the out-of-context theater of Thanksgiving at my house…

Hubby to 5-yr. old grandson:  Do NOT hit people with the gun.

5-yr. old grandson (after a moment’s contemplation): But, I can shoot them, right?

Hubby: Of course. Just don’t hit them.

……….aaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene…………….

Merry Chrishanukwanzaabox to all and to all a good night!!