Texas Weather 101

I see no reason to spend 4 years in college to predict weather in Texas.  This explains it perfectly.

There Be Pirates Here!

I love festivals.

I love small towns.

So, it stands to reason that I love small town festivals.

And this one was, for the first couple of years, and now…hoo boy…it has gotten extremely popular.

It’s called Pirate Days of Texas and is held every October.  Usually, it’s not elebenty-billion degrees outside when the festival is going on.

This year, it was every bit that and possibly more.  I don’t care that the thermometer read 85, it felt like elebenty-billion..especially to someone who had a sunburn from spending many hours on the water the day before and was now spending many hours walking around the festival hunting for patches of shade.

So, anyway…my bitching about the heat aside…this festival is all kinds of awesomesauce.

And I have the pictures to prove it.

After you paid your $8, you were greeted by a wooden pirate…or possibly by a roasted pirate, coulda been either.

This is one of only a handful of replica pirate ships.  I wanted to go inside, but it was painted BLACK and like I said, it was elebenty-billion degrees that day.

This pirate was either demonstrating the correct use of a mortar and pestle or I snapped this shot just as he was about to pass out from the heat.  Yeah, that was probably it.

This pirate was really miffed that no one recognized him in the “Wanted” posters that everyone was getting.  I think it was the parrot disguise..or the fact that it was so hot no one was interested in arresting anyone, unless it meant you could ride to the prison in an air-conditioned wagon.

This is Izzy and her friend, the Disappointed Pirate.  Later, I saw Izzy on her perch in a tent and every time the wind blew she would toss her head back and close her eyes…really cute girl.

 

The interior of a tent in the replica pirate encampment.  I didn’t go all the way inside.  There was, literally, no air in there.

 

 

I burned my hand touching the leather hat in the middle – top row – I shit you not.

 

A display of brass and glass steampunk goggles.  Apparently, I didn’t think that brass and/or glass get hot in the sun so this is the second place I burned my hand.  I iz smart…but I’m blaming it all on the heat having turned my brain to gruel at this point.

I didn’t take a picture of the library booth – mostly because it was really lacking in creativity – but I did chat with a very enthusiastic librarian about the availability of eBooks for loan..total squee to this Kindle owner’s ears.

I also met a very sweet couple of aging hippies selling tie-dyed t-shirts and peace symbol jewelry.  They travel all over selling their wares every weekend.

There were also two stages set up with Celtic bands, reenactments of pirate swordfights and a cannon that was shot every hour.

Not to mention the food! Awesome turkey legs, funnel cakes and nachos…you know, typical pirate fare.

It really is a fun festival and I will go again next year.  I’ve been every year since its inception…I just hope it’s more like autumn and less like summer next time.

 

Well, There Goes the Neighborhood

*adjusts tiara, tightens gloves and poises fingers over keyboard*

Well, I’ll be damned.

CNN Money has named the little town I live in as one of the “100 Best Places to Live: 2011”

There’s going to be no living with us now.

We’re going to need a whole new wardrobe, and hair and nails and you know while we are at it we will need new furniture.

And the paint…sigh…it’s totally wrong for the new furniture.

And the floors!

Definitely have to change those. 

While I’m at it, our car is getting on up there in mileage, and the ashtray is full….

Sigh….the price we pay for celebrity. 

But, look…isn’t it worth it?

This is either a golf course, or someone's lawn with a serious case of grub infestation. Which a town as awesome as ours wouldn't have in the first place, so it must be a golf course.

Quote of the Week

From my new, favorite, television show…and because it made me giggle uncontrollably.

“My mama’s fried chicken could bring peace to the Middle East.”                        Ricky Skaggs

And, because it is soooooooooo true, my second favorite quote this week:

“Bless yer heart is a polite way of saying  yer stoooopid.”                                     Michael Waltrip

And if I have to explain either of these people to you, well…you obviously don’t know Dixie.

American by birth, Southern by the grace of God.

Now, go out there and have a great weekend!

Ah Doan Tawk Funnee!

Part of my job involves telephone communications with our remote IT department.

I speak Texan, they speak Yankee.  Don’t even think the two are remotely similar.  I may as well say I speak Pongo-Pongo and they speak Thai.

Case in point – I placed a request for an employee to have access to a shared resource on the network.

The folder they needed to access was called “Texas”.

A simple enough request, and yet days went by and it still hadn’t been completed.

I was confused.

Until I got this e-mail:

“Cannot complete request.  Folder “Taxes” does not exist on the requested resource.”

Sigh…

Things That Maybe Go BOOM!

A Plano-based toy manufacturing company played a really big part in saving the lives of six soldiers in Afghanistan.

Plano, a suburb of Dallas, is home to Traxxas – a specialty toymaker.

This ain’t your kids’ radio-controlled trucks, cars and boats.   The high-end products Traxxas manufactures are outfitted with water-resistant electronics and toughbody construction.

Tough enough to withstand the blast from 500 lbs. of explosives?

Well…no…but tough enough to trip the wire that set off those explosives, and right now there are six very happy families whose loved ones are safe because a little toy truck, called the “Stampede”, took one for the team during a recon mission.

I am one bad-ass muthuh!

Of course, since it was under warranty, a Traxxas spokesman said the truck will be replaced with a newer model.

 

Guess What?

Wait, did I already use that title in a post…..

*almost looks, then decides she’s too lazy*

Meh..whatever.

Where was I?

Oh yeah…guess what?

It’s hot in Texas.

News flash.  It’s August and it’s hot in Texas.

Hot heat is hot…in Texas.

See?  And that’s in the shade.

 

Where was I going with this?  I forgot, because it’s HOT in TEXAS!

 

Oh, yes…it’s really hot and did I mention it’s hot?

 

Normally, it’s hot in the summer here, but this is Death Valley hot.  No, this is surface of the sun hot.

 

It’s so hot, several radio stations have taken to experimenting with cooking in the car. 

 

Mostly, they got gooey cookie dough and slightly congealed egg whites for their efforts.  

 

Me?   I got blisters on my feet from being lazy.  

 

Maybe I should explain – see I went outside on the back (concrete) porch for a second to I don’t know..see how how hot it is?…and burned my feet in the shade.

 

Yes, it’s so hot that the concrete will burn your feet.  Even in the shade.

 

*note to self – take a moment to slip on those flip-flops from now on, because after 36 years in Texas you can’t seem to remember that it’s HOT in the summer here*

 

Last week, we had a tropical storm visit.  His name was Don.

 

I come bearing gifts!

 As we all prepared for the deluge, somebody shut the front door and Don dissipated over South Texas.

Dissipated.

I can’t count how many times I heard some meterolozo metrozi weatherman marvel at the fact that Don had dissipated. There was much clucking and marveling going on at the Weather Channel.

Marvel this, buddy.

It’s HOT and my brain is a puddle in my head.

Would you care to meet the Wand of Doom?

You keep marveling at our heat and lack of rain, and you will.

You will….just let me find my flip-flops…